So a couple of weeks ago I figured out this badass mom trick just by chance. Uhhh, I mean I was a super genius and came up with this brilliant idea on purpose. You might remember this. I put out two bottles of soap in the kids’ bathroom (one from the dark side and one from…
Dear Grandma, When you said you wanted us to go on a vacation and you sent me a check, here are some of the things that went through my head. Wha-WHAT, do you know what I could buy with that kind of money?! New kitchen appliances that we desperately need. A big portion of…
This is one of the most amazing stories I’ve ever heard. So last night I was reading the comments and posts on my Facebook page when I got to this one post that was put up by a woman named Heather. I read it. I reread it. I read it again. Was I reading it right? No,…
Holy crap, Zoey is on the rampage. I can’t stop her. She has been signing hundreds of bookplates. I’m like Zoey, stop, you don’t have to do anymore. ZOEY: I want to! I’m gonna do them all. See? HUNDREDS!!!! If you want one of these bookplates for FREE, all you have to do is buy…
Wahhhhhh, I am SO mad at Disney. Like seriously pissed off. They have made coming back to reality after our cruise crazy hard. But Mama’s gotta bring home the bacon to pay for things… like another cruise. Anyways, we were cruise virgins before this one, so I’d be a jerkwad not to share what I…
Doo doo doo doo doooooo, driving home from the library where I just dropped off eleven books that were just a few days late and one book that was due seventeen weeks ago but I didn’t know about it until the library called me to ask me where the F it was so I had…
Dear Mr. or Ms. Badass, Yeah, I know that’s not really your name, but I’m calling you that. Because you, my friend, are amazing. Wait, that doesn’t do your amazingness justice. You, are SOOO F’ING AMAAAAAZINGGGGGG!!!!!! Yeah, I know I probably shouldn’t curse to my kid’s teacher, so give me a detention or suspend…
So please don’t tell anyone this (especially not my hubby) but there are like a million reasons I don’t want to have sex tonight. Wait, that’s not exactly what I mean. I mean I do want to have sex, but there are like a crapload of other things I’d rather do instead. Like I’d rather…
So when Zoey came out of me, she was gorrrrrgeous. I mean yeah, she was covered in blood and a disgusting cheese-like substance and her face was all swollen like all babies are when they are born, but once she was cleaned off I thought she was the most gorgeous, wonderful, beautiful sight I had…
Okay, so if you’re anything like me, you’re not winning any mom-of-the-year trophies, and maybe you feel a little bad about that. But here’s the thing. Don’t. I know it’s hard when you see these overachieving moms doing all kinds of impressive things on Facebook and Pinterest every day. But mediocre moms are awesome too,…