ME: Agghhh, I have SOOO much to do today, I think my head might explode. HUBBY: Want me to do the grocery shopping? I know I should jump on this amazing offer immediately, but A. I’m waiting for the probe to fall out of his tush because clearly he was abducted by aliens and…
Okay, so Mother’s Day is next weekend and I could totally buy my mom some fun earrings, or grab her a gift card at Tarjay, or pick out some pretty flowers to be delivered and then curse the company because they want to charge me an extra million dollars for delivery on Mother’s Day, but…
Dear Mattel, Okay so the other day we were at Toys R Us looking around when I stumbled upon the Barbie section and I did a double take. What’s this? Did you finally give Barbie’s body a makeover? And then I looked a little closer and realized nope, not really. The regular Barbie is…
So a couple of weeks ago I figured out this badass mom trick just by chance. Uhhh, I mean I was a super genius and came up with this brilliant idea on purpose. You might remember this. I put out two bottles of soap in the kids’ bathroom (one from the dark side and one from…
Dear Grandma, When you said you wanted us to go on a vacation and you sent me a check, here are some of the things that went through my head. Wha-WHAT, do you know what I could buy with that kind of money?! New kitchen appliances that we desperately need. A big portion of…
This is one of the most amazing stories I’ve ever heard. So last night I was reading the comments and posts on my Facebook page when I got to this one post that was put up by a woman named Heather. I read it. I reread it. I read it again. Was I reading it right? No,…
Holy crap, Zoey is on the rampage. I can’t stop her. She has been signing hundreds of bookplates. I’m like Zoey, stop, you don’t have to do anymore. ZOEY: I want to! I’m gonna do them all. See? HUNDREDS!!!! If you want one of these bookplates for FREE, all you have to do is buy…
Wahhhhhh, I am SO mad at Disney. Like seriously pissed off. They have made coming back to reality after our cruise crazy hard. But Mama’s gotta bring home the bacon to pay for things… like another cruise. Anyways, we were cruise virgins before this one, so I’d be a jerkwad not to share what I…
Doo doo doo doo doooooo, driving home from the library where I just dropped off eleven books that were just a few days late and one book that was due seventeen weeks ago but I didn’t know about it until the library called me to ask me where the F it was so I had…
Dear Mr. or Ms. Badass, Yeah, I know that’s not really your name, but I’m calling you that. Because you, my friend, are amazing. Wait, that doesn’t do your amazingness justice. You, are SOOO F’ING AMAAAAAZINGGGGGG!!!!!! Yeah, I know I probably shouldn’t curse to my kid’s teacher, so give me a detention or suspend…