Ewwwww, what the hell is this thing? The NoseFrida? Blagggh, you use it to suck the clogged up snot and boogers out of your rug rat’s nose. No, that is not a typo. You SUCK it out with this tube you put in their nostril. Gross, double gross, triple gross, grossity gross gross. And here are a few more thoughts I have about this nasty ass boogersucker.
1. Okay why the hell does the picture imply that I have to be the one to suck it? I mean my kid is constantly popping boogers like they’re candy. If she likes them so much, why can’t she suck her own boogies out?
2. I love how it’s BPA-free. Like you’re gonna be sucking on it all day long and need to worry about that.
3. You think sippy cup straws are a bitch to clean? All I can picture is taking this out later and finding a bunch of fossilized crusties in there.
4. And speaking of cleaning it, why the F is the straw clear? So you can see all the shit you suck out? Uhhh, no thanks.
5. It’s called the Snotsucker. Like it literally says that on the packaging. Well, now I definitely want to buy it. Great marketing.
6. If I accidentally blow instead of suck, will my kid’s eyes and ears and nose pop out like one of those stress dolls?
7. You know how when your kid is sick, you’ll do anything to make them feel better? I just realized I draw the line somewhere.
8. DOCTOR: You need to cut back on your intake of sodium.
MOM: Duhhh, if my kid would stop getting all these F’ing colds, I could stop sucking all his boogers.
9. Apparently some of the reviews say it takes a lot of lung power. Ewwww, so not only do you have to suck, but you have to suck hard. Aggggh, I just got a booger embedded in my lung! The sacrifices we make as parents.
10. From the same people who brought us Ikea. Yo Swedes, I think you should stick to meatballs and funky furniture, k?