Same-sex marriage: should we ban it in kindergarten

Okay, so lately I’ve learned that if I don’t ask Zoey a million questions after school, like super specific questions, I don’t learn jack shit about what she did that day. Like if I ask her, “How was P.E.?” I get a one-word answer like, “Fine.” But if I ask her “What did you make in art class today?” I get a longer answer like, “Mommm (insert ginormous eye-roll here), we didn’t have art class today.”

The other day she came running off the bus wearing a big veil and I asked, “What’s that?” And she said, “A veil.” Okay, let’s try this again. “Zoey, why are you wearing a veil with the letter “u” on it?” And she gave me a better answer. “Because today we had the wedding of ‘q’ and ‘u’.”

Awww, so cute! I love this idea. The kindergarteners are learning how to spell shit (of course I’m sure my kid already knows how to spell “shit” because I’m constantly spelling my curse words in front of her). Anyways, the wedding was a fun way to teach them that “q” and “u” go together.

ZOEY: I married Ben.

ME: Awesome, he’s a nice kid.

ZOEY: Lots of girls married Ben.

ME: Oh, why?

ZOEY: Because there were more girls than boys.

Say what???!!!! I mean yeah, I know her class has ten girls and only four boys, but I don’t get this. I mean why not just line the kids up in two lines and marry whoever you’re standing next to?

Hmmm, hold on, thinking about this harder now. Is it because boys are supposed to marry girls? And if we just lined them up then girls would be marrying girls. And what if a boy ended up next to a boy? Then two boys would get married??!! GASP!! I mean girls can’t marry girls and boys can’t marry boys!!!

Wait a second, yes they can. I mean no, not everywhere, but it’s totally legal in this state and the new law says that ANY two people can fall in love and deserve the same right as everyone else. So if it’s totally legal, WHY the hell do the four boys in class have to get married multiple times because there are too many girls? And WHAT does that teach them? That polygamy is okay but same-sex marriage is not?

Because what if there’s a kid in her class who grows up to realize she’s gay? Basically she just learned that “q” and “u” go together but girls and girls do not.

And I know what some of you might be thinking. You’re thinking that the school can’t open that can of worms because then they’ll have a shitload of crabbypants parents calling up and bitching because their kid is asking a million questions about same-sex marriage. And here’s what I have to say about that:

1. F.U. crabbypants parents.

2. It’s not a can of worms. It’s reality.

3. That would be a good thing.

Because if your kiddo can ask you about same-sex marriage, then if they ever figure out they’re gay, they’re going to feel okay with it. They’re not gonna have low self-esteem because they don’t fit into some mold of what we’re SUPPOSED to be like. And they’re going to feel comfortable telling you who they are and not hide a bunch of shit from you.

Or let’s say they’re straight and they meet someone who’s gay. They’re not gonna think, “Hey, that’s wrong. Girls are supposed to like boys.” I mean why would they think it’s right if all they see is Disney movies where princesses marry princes, and men and women riding off into the sunset together, and the marriage of “q” and “u” where the boys have to marry more than one girl because otherwise girls would have to marry girls.

And just going back to that whole ‘can of worms’ thing. If the school doesn’t want their phone board lighting up with complaints, fine, then don’t perform the marriage of “q” and “u” anymore. Yeah, it’d be a total bummer because I think it’s an awesome idea, but teaching kids it’s okay to be queer (hey, look at that, “q” and “u” are together!) is equally as important as teaching them about letters.

I mean the truth is I don’t think the school intentionally did anything wrong. I just don’t think people are all thinking about this yet.  I LOVVVE Zoey’s teacher, and so far the school has been phenomenal, and maybe this isn’t even what happened. Hopefully not. Because the times they are a changin’ (woo-hooooooo!!!!).

And if anyone from the school is reading this, pleeeeease feel free to call me and tell me Zoey was wrong and plenty of girls did marry girls that day. I promise to write a kickass blog singing the praises of the “q” and “u” wedding and tell everyone that I’m an asshole and that I was wrong. Seriously, nothing would make me happier.

But I do think it raises an interesting topic. When should we start talking about same-sex marriage in school? I think I figured out MY answer today. Whenever we start talking about marriage between a man and a woman.

Totally off the subject, but if you’re looking for an awesome present for the holidays, people love Porsches. But if you can’t afford a Porsche, this book might make them happy too!



There are 53 comments for this article
  1. Kristine @ MumRevised at 9:52 am

    D**n. Whole time I was reading I was thinking “there is a qu in queer but no qu in polygamy” and then you went and said the queer thing.
    Great minds maybe?
    I would hate the adorable qu marriage to stop and was surprised that girls didn’t marry each other. It’s kinder… Don’t you want to marry your best friend until, like, grade 3?
    Btw: the book made me happier than any car could.

  2. Ashley L at 10:17 am

    while watching friends the subject of two women getting married comes up..
    olivia: “so two girls can get married?”
    mom and dad: “yep and two boys can get married, you can marry whoever you fall in love with” and she went back to playing..

    that was how our 5 year old learned about same s*x marriage. 🙂

    • sally at 11:30 am

      This is exactly correct. It is a non-issue in our house. My daughter thinks nothing of it except that it is normal life.

  3. Karen at 10:29 am

    I am so happy that my kids have always knowing that you can marry whomever you fall in love with. They were the ring bearers and flower girl in their aunts’ wedding this summer. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been a part of. I love knowing that they will always know that “love is love” and that is all that matters.

  4. melissa at 10:45 am

    Can you imagine a Disney movie called “Jack and Juan, a Prince Tail”. That would be beyond awesome! But no, too politically incorrect on a same s*x AND interacial relationships. God forbid right? So sad. I loved this post and hope it opens some parents eyes to the real world of love and openness.

  5. Suburban Snapshots at 10:51 am

    I bet it was more because the girls would fall into fits of giggling and class would fall apart and the teacher would never regain control and the entire town would become oppressed under the dictatorship of two pigtailed overlords and THEN WHAT, KAREN?

  6. NO at 10:58 am

    OMG who cares?!! All you wanna do us complain about something. Get over it!

    • BabySideburns at 11:17 am

      Oh wait, you are so right. I’m totally going to keep my mouth shut and not say a word next time. The last thing I would want to do is complain and change things in this world.

      • Melissa at 11:54 am

        LOL Karen! Love ya girl! Your book was the best!!!

    • sally at 11:31 am

      Why are you reading the blog if all she wants to do is “complain?”

  7. Dislike at 11:12 am

    As parents we should be entitled to have a say in what consumes the minds of our four year olds. If my son’s school wanted to teach same s*x marriage in kindergarten I would yank him out so fast.

    • Bec at 12:36 pm

      I feel horrible for your children being raised by such ignorant parents.. Same
      S*x marriage is a part of everyday life it doesn’t have to be for everyone it’s here and here to stay.. As a Parent you should want your child to be as well rounded, socially accepting and loving to all human kind as possible. Pulling them from a school that would be teaching them to accept people and not be racist is horrifying..
      I pray your child grows up to be smart enough to see how dumb their parents are..

      • Maria B at 1:02 pm

        Not agreeing with society is not a sign of ignorance. If you believe in same-s*x marriage, by all means, teach that to your child. But don’t force that upon my child, my child will be raised under mine and my husbands’ beliefs and no-one elses. Then my child will have the opportunity to form their own opinions on such important matters when they are old enough that it makes a difference to their lives. Our beliefs also including loving others and not judging them or viewing them differently because they live differently then us. Each family should be allowed to make their own decisions in this matter. This is not a matter for school instruction in elementary school.

        • Rachel at 7:32 pm

          Completely agree with you Maria! I posted a similar comment under this post on FB and I’ve gotten so much hate. It’s crazy. So glad I read these comments and found someone whose got their head on straight! We are in the minority so it’s nice seeing someone else doing the right thing 🙂

        • Jodie at 8:02 pm

          This really isn’t a matter of what you believe vs. what society believes. This is not like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. Same s*x marriage exists whether you agree or not. I see nothing wrong with schools acknowledging that people of the same gender can marry. Children will learn what their families believe as far as the religious implications of gay marriage. Schools should be teaching in a matter of fact way about all the different ways families are made and kids need to learn that all families have value.

          • NoIdeologiesPlease at 12:20 am

            Except for the fact that it’s not marriage and what homosexuals do together is not even s*x…to deny natural law (aka biology) is to throw away sanity. Schools have an obligation to educate about reality, not ideologies. Heterosexual marriage is not a social construct but a fundamental reality that nature itself ordains as the best way to continue humanity. Young children should be taught that heterosexual marriage is normative, since it is. If they find they have homosexual tendencies later in life, they will deal with them according to what they and their families believe.

        • Eh. at 12:40 pm

          Well then by that reasoning no marriage should be discussed in school.

          Also, “believe in” implies that it is something that cannot be proven to exist.

          FYI, it exists. You may object, and that’s your prerogative, but the fact that you object does not delete the subject from existence. It’s just much harder to say “I object to same s*x marriage.”

        • Eh. at 12:44 pm

          NoIdeologiesPlease says “to deny natural law (aka biology) is to throw away sanity.”

          First of all, there’s gay animals ALL over nature. True story.

          And, just to be clear, you “believe in” the natural law of evolution right? Because otherwise you are throwing away your sanity.

          • NoIdeologiesPlease at 11:58 pm

            Sure, there’s aberrations in nature. I’m not saying that homosexual tendencies are made up. I’m saying that they’re not normative for any species and should not be taught as such.

            I think we have different understandings of what I mean by natural law. The Theory of Evolution would be natural in a different sense.

        • Mary at 12:39 am

          Thank you for speaking sence and the truth! If it is a child’s choice to “pretend marrying”
          heterosexually or homosexually it’s fine—– but it is THEIR choice to make….when they are old enough to make their own decision. Stop putting YOUR sexuality on YOUR 4/5 year old. It is wrong for you to JUDGE your own child or the other 9 girls and 4 boys by instructing them on who they should ” Q & U marry”.
          Look in the mirror, as you are projecting on the situation EXACTLY the way you feel the siuation is “projecting on you”. You’re the adult, act like one.

    • Kate at 1:01 pm

      If your four year old knows about marriage, that should include same s*x marriage. Marriage is marriage. It is the law; and more importantly, it is an issue of human rights. Pulling your child from school for this issue is comparable to pulling your child from school because they allow children of color. Talking to a child about marriage does not equate to teaching them about s*x, either. Your four year old probably knows that people are married, and the birds and bees talk does not have to be a part of that. Nothing is different with same s*x marriage. Two people love each other and that is all that matters.

    • Becki at 12:49 am

      Agree! Teach alphabet, not sexuality or gender roles. That’s a parent’s job.

    • BabySideburns at 9:37 am

      To all of you on this thread who are disagreeing with same-s*x marriage, fine. Disagree. But in this state it is legal. It exists. If the school is going to perform weddings, they cannot decide which ones to share with the children and which ones not to share. The school is run by the state. The government has been picked by the people. The people have chosen to legally recognize gay marriage here. Period.

      • NoIdeologiesPlease at 12:09 am

        Sure same-s*x marriage is legal…but does it exist? 🙂 The dilemma here is not whether homosexuality exists (and you’re right, it does), but whether a civil law brings into being something that does not exist in natural law. Which trumps? Why? I’d be interested to hear your answer.

        • Jodie at 5:03 am

          Well by that logic, heterosexual marriage is not “natural” either. Marriage is a completely man made construct that has changed in structure throughout human history. I have yet to see a pair of squirrels head to the court house to sign a marriage license. At this point in human history it is legal in many parts of the US for an adult to choose another adult to legally bind themselves and enjoy all the rights, privileges and responsibilities that entails. Saying gay marriage is any less “natural” then heterosexual marriage is a false argument.

          • NoIdeologiesPlease at 5:05 am

            I think you are mixing up civil and natural law. The *administration* of marriage is a construct depending on your civilization, true. There are many facets to it and many ways of approaching it. However, the basics of marriage for all civilizations are as follows: a man and a women are joined officially in some way for the purpose of continuing the species. Often fidelity and monogamy are requirements, as these tend to be of benefit for the new social and biological unit of the family. That’s it. Homosexual unions do not meet these basic functions of marriage.
            “But what about love?” people ask. Well, that would be bringing religion or at least spirituality into it, which is not the responsibility of the State to consider, whether for heterosexual or homosexual unions.
            For what it’s worth, this is the Wikipedia definition of natural law. It’s just rather long and sprawling. Reading the summary at the top may help. At some point in there it talks about how natural law helped form the founding fathers’ understanding of the constitution.

  8. Marielle at 11:35 am

    It’s an interesting thing because my 3 year old knows that his uncle is marrying his male fiance and we’ve told him they are getting married soon. He’s actually going to be the ring bearer in their wedding. But, about a month ago I reminded him about the upcoming wedding and he said “but boys have to marry girls, mommy”. I set him straight, of course, but I was surprised he said that since we’re always reminding him. He’s so young I think he needs reminders to counteract all the message he sees on TV Disney movies and such. Great post!

  9. Faith H at 11:46 am

    Because them some crazy parent would turn around and sue the school board in 20 years for making their child gay. It just had to be that Q marries U lesson little Johnny had in Kindergarten, right!!!?!!! LOL.

    • Faith H at 11:54 am

      Sorry….my brain didn’t keep up with my typing. You can’t teach it in Kindergarten because THEN….not them. LOL

  10. Maria B at 12:58 pm

    I don’t understand how you can be talking about all the crabby headed parents being upset about them teaching same-s*x marriage, when you are all upset that they aren’t teaching it. The lesson is about language, “QU,” not marriage. You are taking this too seriously. Secondly, marriage, sexual desire or preference are all subjects that should be handled in the home, not school, regardless of your views. I shouldn’t be pushing my views on your children just the same as your shouldn’t be pushing yours on mine. When does society trump parents on beliefs or personal views? We as parents have the right to teach or not teach our children in regards to certain subjects, this being one of them. Don’t strip parents of this right.

  11. Claudia at 1:52 pm

    I’m in school to become an Elementary School teacher. I wish we could do this stuff, because heaven knows I love gay people and just about anyone who believes in equality. You’re the most kick-a*s mom, I have the pleasure of knowing through the internet. Parents of all ages are going to always have a say in what their children learn in school- Leave that up to the teachers, by all means- Home school if you want them to know nothing about the world (Not saying that home schooling is bad) it’s just another way of sheltering your children from interaction with the same or opposite s*x. When people say “My children will grow up in my house under my beliefs” …well now, you’re not really letting them be an individual, now are you? People need to grow up and realize- We need a change in this world. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE KAREN. She’s a fantastic women, with a giant heart that wants to see her children grow up in a world full of love. I admire her and hope to be just as funny as she is! You go Karen, and keep doing what you do. Ignore those who can’t think for themselves. p.s. Your book- AAAAhhh-mazing. Needs a sequel 😉

    • Maria B at 2:27 pm

      How is training up a child with beliefs not letting them be an individual? They still have to choose whether they accept your beliefs or not. You teach them to be critical thinkers and decision makers. They will make up their own mine. You can’t make someone believe in God.

      Love goes both ways, love isn’t only for those who believe in same-s*x marriage. Love and acceptance should also carry to our side where you respect our beliefs, views, and decisions as parents. Not force society into all accepting the same ideal. We should be able to respectfully disagree and each teach our children our own ideals.

      • Emily at 3:38 pm

        I believe part of Karen’s point was that by teaching your child your own ideals and beliefs you risk your child feeling it is wrong to be attracted to someone of the same s*x. What if your child realized he or she is gay and felt ashamed because that goes against how they were raised? Or what if your child’s classmate has two moms or two dads? I’m sure most of us agree we should instill in our children the importance of acceptance of others, but I’m not sure how you do that while also instilling your belief that marriage should be between a man and a woman.

        • Maria B at 5:05 pm

          I can understand that in that scenario it would be difficult for the child and the parent. But it doesn’t discount my point about it being between said parent and child. It is not society’s job to intervene in such a case. Society is over-reaching if they start to teach this in school. Just the same as they can’t teach religion, they should not be allowed to teach political views in elementary school. And at 5 years old, from a silly game in kindergarten, no one is going to be gay or not gay. They aren’t even thinking that far ahead. It is the wrong age to introduce such topics. They should be discussed between child and parent at an older age when the child can grasp the full meaning of what it means to be homosexual/heterosexual.

          My parents raised me with their beliefs, and some I still agree and some I don’t. It is between me and them. Not for society to decide, that’s almost communist.

      • Sarah at 7:51 pm

        First of all “training your child?!” So sad how many parents are still so conservative and biased! My daughter knew about sperm banks at three, she was very concerned that her and her best friend couldn’t have a child together. This year, we’ve learned about transgender people. I’m so thankful the majority of these comments are by progressive amazing parents who, know if “god” is lighting the way, he’d totally be fine with gay marriage. Like we say to our students. “Small problem or a big problem?” Gay marriage = not a problem! A way late sign that the idiots are losing!!!! Yeah winning!!!!!

        • Sarah at 7:55 pm

          Also, it’s never to early to talk to kids, about real life. All this dumbing the world down for children is not helping! The stork is gone peeps!

          • Marielle at 11:08 am

            I agree with this. I think the WAY in which you explain things is different depending on their age. Like my 3 year old son asked me if I put the baby in my belly (when we told him I am pregnant) and I explained that me and Daddy prayed and God put the baby in mommy’s belly (not the entire truth but, still true for us). Also, when my son said to us that boys only marry girls (as I mentioned in my comment above), I explained that that was not true and that people can marry anyone that they love; boys with boys, girls with girls, and boys with girls. He’s 3 but I feel that is enough of an explanation and in a way that he can understand it. When he has questions later in life, I will explain things in a way that is honest but also in a way that he might be able to understand it and is appropriate.

        • Bridget at 12:27 am

          By teaching your child about sperm banks, transgender people, and your particular beliefs about homosexual relationships, you are still training your child. You’re just training her in a different direction than Maria is training her children.

  12. Julia at 2:09 pm

    My 3-year-old thinks that if you’re a gilr, you’re supposed to like girls. And if you’re a boy, then you should like boys. She’s always pretending to marry her friend Julia and says “I don’t like boys because I’m a girl”. Last night she told me “Daddy doesn’t like princesses, because daddy likes boys.” (for the record, my husband’s not gay, but apparently he’s supposed to like boys because he is a boy)
    Instead of a same-s*x marriage talk, I’m going to have to have a chat with her about how it is totally OK for opposite-s*x people to love each other, too. 😛

  13. Tracey Mc at 2:56 pm

    I have tweens & was unsure of when to talk about being gay/same s*x marriage. It just presented itself one day and I went with it. I have really tried to be really open & honest & factual with my girls. I am open minded & mostly liberal so that kinda helps. Here is a blog post about how we had that very talk. (my blog is lame & neglected, someday I will get back to it!!!)

  14. cosleepwalking at 3:03 pm

    I tell my kids that when you grow up, if you decide you want to get married, you get to marry your best friend. I tell them that when you love someone so much you can marry them so that they become part of your family. That’s why I married their dad – he’s my best friend. fin.
    But alas, they still come home from kindergarten telling me that my son has to marry my daughter’s best friend so they can be real sisters…

  15. Kate O at 3:48 pm

    How about we marry “q” and “u” and the kiddos throw the reception? All of the fun and games without the potentially offensive undertones

  16. LCS at 4:03 pm

    We have always taught our kids that it is okay to love who you love, and if people think that it is weird or wrong, well they can think what they want. My kids have known about it since preschool. They are now 10 and 8 and just the other day, my 8 year old asked me how a man and man couple make babies. Great question, so I answered it honestly, she said “huh, I get it!” then she went on with her homework. No problems here.

  17. Momof5 at 6:37 pm

    My second grade daughter last year had a conversation with my third grade daughter about her friend “With two moms.” Third grade daughter: “That is biologically (yea she used the word!) impossible.” My 2nd grader: “She came from one mom’s tummy and the other mom is her mom’s wife.” My third grader: “Oh! They’re gay- why didn’t you just say that!?” End of matter of fact conversation.

  18. Shylo at 11:19 am

    Q’s can marry A’s and I’s also, doesnt happen as often but it does happen, teach your children that other things exist in the world and teach them love and not bigotry.

  19. Kelly at 1:14 am

    Why would a Kindergarten class ever discuss sexual preference with 5 year olds. They are way to young for that subject matter and parents decide when they want their children to learn about those matters not the school system…whether it’s legal in your state or not has no relevance. As parents, we decide what and when our children learn about such mature subject matter. That’s crazy. I don’t get it.

  20. mike at 7:18 am

    I agree same s*x should be taught at all grades even kindergarten if we want this to work. this way kids will have not idea about any negative aspects of gay marriage or homosexuality. there should be equal number of reading books that have gay men families, lesbian families and the old definition families.