What NOT to do when your hubby gets a hole in his underwear

Heyyyy, here’s something really hilarious to do that will make you laugh but will NOT make your husband laugh at all.

HUBBY: (PROUD) Look, the hole in my underwear’s getting bigger!

ME: I think it’s time to throw them out.

HUBBY: No way.

ME: You’re about to start popping out of that hole.

HUBBY: I was a little last night when I was sleeping.

ME: Seriously? When are you going to throw them out?

HUBBY: When the hole gets bigger.

Okie-dokie, time to take care of this problem. And that’s when I walked over to him, grabbed the rip in his underwear (somewhat carefully because I was in peeper territory) and I tore the biggest hole in them that I could. Yes, while he stood there wearing them.

And voila!! This picture is me modeling my masterpiece afterwards.


ME: (LAUGHING) Guess you’ll have to throw them out now.

HUBBY: (NOT LAUGHING AT ALL) I can’t believe you did that.


ME: I’ll buy you some new ones.

Ruh-roh. Not amused. Not amused at all. In case you’re looking for me, I’ll be in the doghouse. And after that you can find me at Tarjay buying him new boxer shorts. And beer. And sexy underwear for me to wear when I try to make it up to him later. Whoopsies.


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There are 22 comments for this article
  1. Jen at 10:31 am

    I totally do that all the time, it’s the only way they actually get in the garbage can and stay there!

  2. Alecia at 10:36 am

    I just “enhance” the holes when I fold the laundry 😉 He is none the wiser.

    Also… bonus points when you rip them off him for s*x! Means that he is HAPPY to lose them!

  3. Danielle Doan at 10:45 am

    I throw them out without telling him. He doesn’t keep track of his underwear.

    …but if I throw out a ratty T-shirt or hoodie, I hear about it for months. Even if I replace them, because it’s just not the same. Those were [I]comfy[/I], dammit!

  4. Tamara at 10:52 am

    You go girl!!! I do this every d**n time I see underwear or socks with holes. My husbands doesn’t like it but he just laughs and says “I can still wear them!”

    • led at 2:22 pm

      I’m pretty sure you meant husband instead of husbands. I have to tell you, that tiny typo made my day! I don’t always read the comments. Today I am so glad I did. I think it just painted a picture that stuck my funny bone! This pulled me out of a really bad mood, turned my day around.
      Thank you so much! Have a fantastic day!

  5. Lori at 11:02 am

    I just throw them out in secret and buy him new ones periodically. He never notices.

  6. Teri at 11:11 am

    I’m sorry but I incorrectly read that you said:

    You’re about to start POOPING out of that hole.

    HUBBY: I was a little last night when I was sleeping.

    And I thought, “ew.”

    • Lyndsey at 11:50 am

      I thought the same thing until I read your comment. I was trying to figure out how/why he was pooping in bed, let alone out the front of him undies. Gross!

    • Jenna Spier at 2:05 pm

      I read it as “pooping” as well!! Ewww. I had no idea I mis-read it until I read your comment and had to scroll back up to check. Nope. You’re right and apparently I need an eye exam. She said “popping.” Thanks! Now I’m laughing even harder! LOL

  7. linda pedretti at 11:15 am

    One time my husband woke up and said “I have NO clean underwear” He was pitching a fit.
    I told him you have 3 choices. 1 Go cammando, 2 turn yesterdays inside out or go buy some. He immediately left to go to Penny”s to buy some new ones. He Never goes shopping.

  8. Steph at 11:28 am

    I’ve done that…
    Me: Those are filled with so many holes! Why don’t you get rid of them?
    Him: Because I can still wear them.
    Me: Would you want to be caught dead wearing those?
    Him: No…
    Me: [takes underwear] *Rrrrrriiiipp!*
    Him: What the eff, Steph!

  9. Shannon Lee at 12:11 pm

    Um, I have totally ruined my hubby’s clothes so that he can’t wear them anymore. I know others who have done the same. No shame in this. It’s a service to society really which makes it heroic. We are heroes.

  10. Life With Teens and Other Wild Things at 12:57 pm

    Cripes… LOL Tell Hubs to get over it. Sorry but yeah. Time for a new pair.
    Ugh my ex was just as bad. Tee shirts he’d had since high school! And no more collar left on them! For godsakes, man, LET IT GO. lol

    (To be fair, I have a shirt or two from high school lurking… but I don’t wear them. lol)

  11. enad at 2:21 pm

    i love his conservationist attitude. but at some point — at the point where your clothes don’t cover you the way they are intended to — you gotta let them go. if he really wants to keep using them, he can use them as a rag to polish the furniture.

  12. Christine at 2:32 pm

    Lol, I also do this all the time, otherwise they end up back on him.

  13. Rachael S at 3:22 pm

    dear God, I’m right there with you! Only my husband’s boxer brief holes are around his ballz or towards the back from epic farts.

  14. Erin at 4:00 pm

    I did this exact same thing, only it was a button front shirt with a hole at the armpit and we were at a friend’s house for dinner and I did it at the table…… Maybe not so smooth….

  15. Amanda M at 4:45 pm

    I did that to an ex-boyfriend, but it was the waistband in the back. I ripped it and looped it over his head, cartoon-wedgie-style. I thought it was hilarious; him, not so much.

  16. Crystal at 5:44 pm

    Ha. I just did that while folding laundry the other day. Saw a hole, ripped it wide open, and tossed them in the trash. Where they belong. Seriously, we have jobs, we don’t need holey underwear. Unless we’re taking about period undies, but that’s different.

  17. alyssa at 5:03 pm

    if you gave him head through the hole i doubt he would have minded as much