WHAT??!!!!!! A dating website for toddlers?!!


Dear Mommy,

I am so mad at you. The other day I met this cute girl named Sylvie at the ice cream shop. We hit it off right away and even ordered the same flavor ice cream–cotton candy!! What are the chances? It was fate. Then you said it was bedtime and made me leave but you said I’d see her again. And the next day when I asked if we can have a playdate with Sylvie, do you know what you said? That you don’t have her mommy’s number. You lied. I will never see Sylvie again and it is all your fault. My heart is broken and a Thomas the Train band-aid will NOT fix this boo-boo.


Your broken-hearted son

It happens every day. Our kiddos meet each other and they hit it off. And whatta we do? We say it’s time to go. We tell them it’s lunchtime or naptime or bedtime. And we tear them apart. No wonder they put their shoes on slower than molasses. They’re just toddlers looking for a little love.

But what if there were a dating website for them? A place where toddlers could find true love or play dates, or whatever it is they’re looking for. Introducing the first of its kind. T-Date. The new dating website for toddlers looking to meet their soulmates.

BiggerToddlerYoga copy

BiggerToddlerSexy copy- Compress.Photos

BiggerToddlerPout copy- Compress.Photos

BestToddlerAriel copy- Compress.Photos


BiggerToddlerShawl copy

BiggerToddlerToes copy- Compress.Photos

BestToddlerPirate copy- Compress.Photos

BiggerToddlerPrincess- Compress.Photos

BiggerToddlerEvilGrin copy- Compress.Photos

BiggerToddlerPinkGirl copy- Compress.Photos

BiggerToddlerShopping copy- Compress.Photos

BiggerToddlerCheeks copy- Compress.Photos

BiggerToddlerChin copy- Compress.Photos

Thanks to ALLLLL of the awesome parents who submitted toddler photos to me for this post. If it does really well enough, I’ll use more of your kickass pictures in a sequel post! There were sooooo many cute ones.

And if you liked this post, please don’t forget to like it and comment on it on the Baby Sideburns facebook page. Thank you!!

And if you’re looking for a good Father’s Day gift, believe it or not, lots of dads LOVE reading my book, I Heart My Little A-Holes. And if you get it for him, you can steal it and read it too.

Screen Shot 2015-06-09 at 10.28.33 PM

There are 12 comments for this article
  1. Wic at 10:22 am

    Ahhhhhh that was the best. 🙂 laughs and smiles. All the way! Thanks for that!

  2. bklemetsrud at 10:23 am

    This is perfect! I love this…hahah I wish you would have used my daughter’s photo. A sequel post sounds AMAZING.

  3. Kelly at 10:31 am

    Can we still send in photos? Love to see what you’d come up with for my lil’ hunk 🙂
    Anyway, your blog is a lifeline as usual! Thanks!

  4. Alison at 10:45 am

    Okay, I had a total air-head moment and thought these were real posts on a real toddler sight, and I was horrified. Then reality kicked in and I got to the bottom. Now they’re hilarious, and I’m still laughing thinking about them as I type this. Great job! This post was amazing!

  5. Heather Garcia at 11:15 am

    You are so entertaining BS, thanks for putting some sunshine into this dreary rainy day ☀️

  6. Julie G at 1:12 pm

    Hi-lar-i-ous!!!! Seriously…I am having trouble deciding on my favorite….but this had me on the floor “I’m not too picky, but I will say this. I like twins.” thanks for the laugh on a loooong road trip (I’m a passenger of course!).

  7. sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms at 6:40 pm

    Soooooo funny! Ellen

  8. Anon at 7:55 am

    Joke or not, am I the only one that finds something seriously wrong with this. Like its bad enough perverts sexualize our kids and kids are being subjected to sexualization younger and younger, but now their own parents are making sexual inuendos about them. Non the less on the internet were all those perverts can look at it and take it serious.

  9. Shannon Gray at 9:48 am

    This was hilarious and the poopy troll Anon who hides behind a computer has no sense of humor. Things like this are not going to encourage or detract from pedophilia.

    I love your blog, instagram, facebook….I can not get enough of you. Does this make me a stalker? LOL
    PS I would love to be part of the sequel, I mean my kid of course

  10. Megan Premo at 9:07 pm

    I can’t imagine seeing this as anything other than what it is: A hilarious celebration of kids and their badass little personalities. If my daughter was still a toddler, I’d be hitting you up to put her in the sequel. “My perfect date: Dairy Queen. I only p**p in the toilet if I’m rewarded with ice cream.” This is so funny. Thank you.