Okay, so if you’re anything like me, you’re not winning any mom-of-the-year trophies, and maybe you feel a little bad about that. But here’s the thing. Don’t. I know it’s hard when you see these overachieving moms doing all kinds of impressive things on Facebook and Pinterest every day. But mediocre moms are awesome too, and here’s why:
1. Mediocre moms don’t shower every day. And guess what that means? We’re using less water. And that, my friend, is good for a little something we call Mother Earth.
2. Mediocre moms have no problem throwing out their kid’s artwork. Some people call that insensitive, but do you know what I call that? Recycling!
3. And mediocre moms buy craploads of coffee. Make mine a Venti! Because guess what I’m doing? Supporting the economy.
4. Let’s talk about something mediocre moms DON’T do. They don’t sign their kids up for a thousand activities. So here’s something else they don’t do. Waste a shitload of gas driving little Timmy all over the city every day.
5. And mediocre moms don’t wear makeup either. Well, hardly ever. No makeup? No testing on animals. Now that’s something to be proud of.
6. Sure, you can shave your legs all winter long like a Stepford wife. Or you can do what mediocre moms do: grow a nice furry coat of hair and save tons of energy by setting the thermostat a little lower. The hubbies might be turned off… until they see the gas bill.
7. Okay, how much does a bottle of water cost? Like $2. How much does a bottle of vodka cost? At least $20. Helllllloooo, who’s helping the stock market thrive? Yup, mediocre moms.
8. And here’s a little something mediocre moms don’t do. Get to the school pickup line early. Sorry sweetie pie, you’re gonna have to wait because Mommy’s busy NOT letting her car run idle for twenty minutes filling our atmosphere with pollution.
9. Would you like fries with that? Hellllls yeah. Because that dude wearing the paper hat and taking your order wouldn’t have a job if it weren’t for mediocre moms.
10. And mediocre moms know that plopping the kiddos in front of the TV isn’t just cheaper than hiring that middle school babysitter. It’s better. Because child labor is just plain wrong.
So there you go. Pat yourself on the back if you’re doing a mediocre job because that just means you’re kicking ass in all sorts of ways you probably never thought of.
If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it!! And check out my new book I Want My Epidural Back, Adventures in Mediocre Parenting. Mediocre moms F’ing rock, so I wrote a whole entire book about it.