Hi. It’s me. Duhh, who else would be writing my blog? I mean yeah I guess there are plenty of pages that have lots of different writers but not here. Nope, here I pretty much do it all. I guess it all started because I like to write. And then when my audience started to grow, I found out writing is even more fun when you have people who like to read your shit. So thank you for reading my shit. Seriously, THANK YOU!!!!!! You make this writing gig so worth it.
Anyways, you probably know this already, but I wrote a new book. Like a NEW book. Not like a bunch of shit I’ve shared on here and then smashed into a book. We’re talking 95% new material that has never been seen by anyone. 320 hilarious pages. Wait, that’s a lie. Like 300 hilarious pages and about 20 serious ones. With fifty-five chapters (not a typo, as in 5-5), plus a bunch of hilarious pictures and funny quips like this one:
ZOEY: Mommy, my bagina itches.
ME: Your what?
ZOEY: My bagina.
ME: Your VAgina. Va. Va.
ZOEY: My VAgina.
ME: Yes, and actually it’s your vulva.
ZOEY: I have a vulda?
ME: A vulVA. Va. Va.
HUBBY: (interrupting) What the HELL is a vulva?
ME: It’s like that whole area down there.
HUBBY: All I know is the clit.
I shit you not. That conversation really happened.
So here’s the thing. I’m asking for your help. Yup, I’m being THAT a-hole and asking for a favor. If you think you’re going to get my book sometime, please order it now. I know you’re probably like what’s the difference? $10 now or $10 in a month. (And yes, right now it is $10.57 on Amazon. SOOOOOO cheap for a nice hardcover book.) But it makes a HUGE difference in the book world. I need to sell as many books as I can before the book comes out in less than three weeks.
So if you like reading my stuff, if I entertain you for free most of the time, if you enjoy reading my shit on Facebook and Instagram, please click on one of these links and order my book. Even if it’s just because you need to add $10 to your cart to get free shipping on something else. I already love you to pieces, so I’m not sure what else I can promise, except that I’ll keep writing funny shit every day and helping parents smile and laugh as much as I can.
Love love love,