I don’t think it’s a coincidence my c-section scar looks a little like a smile
Dear me seven years ago,
Awww, aren’t you so cute with your pregnant belly all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, about to bring your first little bundle of joy into the world? Bwhahahaha, that baby is gonna be ridiculously cute… until you realize she came with broken orifices that keep exploding like mini volcanoes of bodily fluid. But I digress.
Anyways, what I wanted to write to you about is your birth plan. I know you’ve got it all planned out and think you know exactly how it’s gonna go. But surprise, guess who didn’t get the memo?!! That little tenant in your womb. Yup, she’s going to decide not to turn around, and you’re going under the knife. That’s right, you’re getting a c-section. The good news is, your perineum’s staying intact. The bad news is getting a c-section kinda sucks.
It sucks that you have to get major abdominal surgery. It sucks that you won’t be the first person to hold your little newborn on your bare chest and that pretty much everyone else in the room is gonna hold her first besides you. The doctor, the nurses, your husband, even the janitor who comes in to change the wastebasket. Not really, but it’ll feel like it. And it sucks that for years you’re going to listen to alllllllll these other moms sharing their miracle-of-birth stories, and you’re going to feel a little unlucky.
But here’s the thing, one day you’re randomly going to wake up and realize something. Maybe it’s because you’re older. Maybe it’s because you’re wiser. Who knows? One day you’re suddenly going to wake up and realize you’re not unlucky at all. You are actually the lucky one.
Because here are some other things you probably won’t get to experience because you’re having a c-section. You’re not going to get to bleed out or deliver a baby that’s brain-damaged because she wasn’t breathing for too long. You’re not going to visit your baby in the NICU because she’s injured, or visit her in a cemetery because she didn’t make it. You’re not gonna get to experience what it’s like to lose your baby. Or your own life. I know it may sound a little dramatic but it’s true.
If you look around, not everyone is lucky enough to get a c-section. There are women all over the world who live in places where c-sections aren’t available. Where new mommies die every day giving birth, and where babies often don’t make it.
So I know it sucks a little having to scrap your birth plan and go with a less desirable plan B, but really the only thing that matters is that everything is going to turn out okay. Not just okay, great. I can’t help but think maybe that’s the reason your c-section scar is going to look a little like a smile. Because it’s going to be one of the happiest things that ever happens to you.
Love,
An older, wiser, grayer version of yourself
P.S. If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. Thank you!!
P.P.S. Don’t forget to check out my new HILARIOUS book I Want My Epidural Back!! If you don’t believe me check out the reviews on Amazon.
I had a c section with my 4th baby because she was playing jump rope with her cord and wrapped it around he neck. She is now 31 and just gave birth to a baby boy 3 wks. ago.
I also had to scrap my beautiful, LeBoyer birth plan for a C-section. After 38 hours of labor. And because I suck at timing, my 2nd was born 14 months later, so no V-BAC. But although I never had the “joy” of actually giving birth and I had the major trauma of abdominal surgery, I have beautiful, healthy, now adult children. Your memoir made me cry,but it also made my day. Thank you!
I gave birth to an 11 and half pound baby. There is no doubt in my mind that without a c section I would’ve died giving birth and my gorgeous baby boy probably wouldn’t have made it neither. I felt very lucky to have had that option.
I had c-sections with all four of my children, they are 23, 22, 19, and 15. Thank you for opening my eyes. I never thought of it that way. I had my first c-section after 2 and a half days in labor and becoming pre-eclampsic. I am grateful that the Dr. made the choice of not waiting anymore but I did feel cheated. I also felt that I cheated my husband by not doing it the right way, as all my friends pointed out. They would tell me I took the easy way out. Not that I look at it I’m glad I did.
I had a c-section with my 3rd baby because I had placenta previa and was a little bummed about it. For me, the recovery was pretty awful. But I can’t thank you enough for sharing this perspective, reminding us that the grass isn’t always greener. Feeling lucky!
While I did not have a c section, my jiggly belly from having my son is a sore spot for me. I really messes up my confidence and body imagine. Thank you for the reminder that I grew a baby and therefore my body is a vessel. Hugs to all these mamas!
I had this all natural, drug free, essential oil diffused birth plan allllll written down. In my head I said “natural and drug free…. or a c-section. no induction for me”
My baby decided to make a dramatic entrance and spiked my BP. I had to go to L&D for “monitoring” (meanwhile this was now my THIRD trip for monitoring) at 38w+1d … my OB showed his mug around that curtain in triage and I said “I’m done. Give me a section and get this baby out safely”
My daughter is now 10 weeks and absolutely perfect and I am totally healthy.
I felt worse that I didn’t have a plan…that all I heard was stories of water births, home births, and all natural births. Frankly my plan was to get my son out swiftly, safely and without any pain if possible. If I had a true plan it would have been crushed…I was induced which took HOURS, my son and I were in danger, and yes, there was a lot of pain. In the end I chose c-section.
I heard of breastfeeding, bonding, and skin to skin contact…nope I got none of it. However, what I did get is one of the sweetest and most amazing memories that I will cherish forever…opening my eyes after surgery to my husband, with the most wonderful smile on his face, rocking our beautiful baby boy.
So my husband got all of the “good stuff” and I am totally okay with that…why shouldn’t he?…and my son and I couldn’t have a better bond had I been in natural labor for 24 hours and shot him out my lady bits.
The funny thing about birth plans is even if you get the birth you wanted, something unplanned will happen. I got my unmedicated birth but I also got my unmedicated 3rd degree tear and my 40 unmedicated stitches. But both of us are here so, all in all, it was a success!
I had a section with our 2nd (and last) child. Whoever came up with that To posh to push crap needs to be grated, rolled in salt and fed to sharks. Natural delivery is a whole hell of a lot easier! I was told it would feel like rummaging through your bag on top of a washing machine (?!) yeah no it didn’t. It felt like some asswipe was rummaging around my stomach without waiting for the epidural to work! So daughter no 2 was born weighing 11lbs 8oz’s, (and they wondered why she didn’t come out the natural way….idiots) they then left me alone in theatre so they could all go to my daughter, yes I was completely alone in theatre with a huge hole in my stomach while everyone is piled into a tiny room looking at my baby. Eventually the sadist asswipe remembered that he’s forgotten to stitch my stomach closed to comes back and stitches me up, the epidural FINALLY kicked in when he was almost finished….double asswipe…they then move me from one bed to the other, by which time my epidural had kicked in so I couldn’t move so asswipe Dr stands in front of me, I feel like I’m falling so grab onto the first thing I could, which happened to be asswipe’s pants, which then proceeded to fall down, for me to find asswipe goes commando under history scrubs, and his “man bits” were directly in my face….at which point The Hubster remembers I exist and walks back into theatre holding our baby. Takes one look and starts laughing. To the half naked Dr’s credit, he didn’t drop me, they move me onto the bed and then he quickly pulled up his pants. But he did give me a smiley face scar ?
I didn’t have a section, but mom’s who did I give you a ton of credit! And you are not less of a mom because of it.
I had to have a c-section with my first unexpectedly but never felt cheated. My only goal was to have a healthy baby where both baby and I were safe. My recovery, despite an infection in my incision, was quick. With how well everything had gone, I planned a c-section with my second, She unexpectedly chose to come early due to complications and ended up requiring a c-section. I do not wonder about the ‘miracle of natural birth’, I do not mourn a lost experience, I do not feel cheated. Through miracles from God, talented fertility specialists and obstetricians, I have two healthy, beautiful, amazing children and I am here to have the blessing of being their mom.
No, really? I hard a C-section with my twin girls. No pain, no screaming, no blood. Everybody was relaxed, and the doctor showed me the girls immediately, welcoming them with joy. I came out of the theater saying that the c-section is cool! I hear terrible stories on natural birth, stitches ecc. So I am absolutely happy with my little invisible scar…
I was happily planning a third csection for this coming November. My first csection was an emergency one. We knew he had major heart defects, but my attempt at a natural birth with him failed, so a painful cesction. I heard him cry , through the haze, before he was put on the vent. He died a few month later. Second section planned repeat, two years later. Healthy baby boy. Early pregnancy losses after him. And now I should be 20 weeks along wit h our very wanted baby girl. We discovered her heart had stopped beating at 16 weeks. Her chromosomes were perfect. So to people who want the perfect birh plan. . . you don’t always get what you want. A healthy living baby is always the best. I have one living out of six pregnancies. I will have to admit to eyerolling over the years to women mourning deviation from their birth plans. . . my birth plan has always been ” Just get the baby out alive” . . . so if I hear mourning a deviation from birth plan, I just want to ask, “Is your baby alive? Relatively healthy? Yes? So what’s your problem?”
I was in labor a long time, they put me on meds to expedite things, several hours later, they broke my water and confined me to a bed, upped the meds and when the contracting was so Bad I couldn’t stand it any longer, I cried for an epidural. NOT in my birth plan. They placed a fetal monitor and upped the meds one last time. I took a two hour nap and woke Up as pain meds started ebbing. I felt better after the little rest and as I started to push, I heard a woman in the next room screaming bloody murder. I looked at my mom and smiled,”She shoulda got the epidural.” My son was born just 15 minutes later, umbilical cord wrapped twice around his neck, he was blue. I wish someone would have given me the option for a c-section. After 45 tense seconds he finally took his first breath and wailed. I was never so grateful to hear a baby scream like that, than at that moment. His head was 14″ in circumference and they refused an episiotomy, there was a lot of damage and to this day, I can’t cough or sneeze without dribbling unless I cross and hold tight. I wish someone would have offered a c-section, for my son’s sake and my own. He’s my only child, I can’t medically have anymore due to damage from cervical cancer, but if I could, I’d SERIOUSLY consider a c-section.
So. Much. Misinformation. I can’t even… ???
Wow! Really a ton of horrible information in here.
1) A mom is actually MORE likely to die during a c-section than a vaginal birth, even in a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section), which updated research has found SHOULD be offered or recommended for moms with a previous CS or two and possibly more.
2) You are MORE likely to have dangerous hemorrhaging in a c-section, because, yeah…MAJOR abdominal surgery.
3) And many c-section babies have breathing issues early on because the fluid is not as completely expelled from their lungs be cause that is one of the benefits of contractions and vaginal birth for babies.
4) Oh, and don’t forget that having a c-section leaves mom at a significantly increased risk of placenta accreta or percreta (where the placenta grows into or through the previois scar and can be life threatening to mom and baby if it does).
Yes, the ability to have a c-section if TRULY needed is absolutely wonderful. But, in the US, we have one of the worst maternal mortality rates of developed nations. And guess what, we also have an alarmingly high c-section rate.
I had a c-section with my first. But, I had a wonderful VBAC with my second. And all moms are amazing for growing a tiny human for 9 months! And when someone NEEDS a c-section, I am SO thankful we have the ability to do that. But, sugar-coating a c-section and acting like it is some magical way to prevent pregnancy and birth complications is simply dishonest and dangerous.
I had to have a c-section with my first baby who just turned 8 because she didn’t turn as well. My second baby was doing well, everything was going perfectly. I was going to try for a VBAC. My Dr said everything should go fine. What they didn’t know was that scar tissue from my first birth had attached itself to my bladder. After 15 hours of labor and only reaching 3’m on petosin my little man’s heart rate dropped. They turned me 4 times before they decided to do an emergency c-section. They didn’t shave me before opening me up. When they got me open they saw that my uterus, cervix, and bladder had ruptured. My little man was unresponsive for about 4 minutes. I had a hole about an inch in diameter in my bladder. I was on the operating table for 3 hours, had 2 blood transfusions, had one uriter stent, and ended up with a Foley catheter. We were in the hospital for a week. I’m glad I have my little man and that I’m still here. We nearly lost our lives this last January, but this January we will be celebrating his 1st birthday and that we are still here.