If that little switch inside my head flips, watch the F out
Inside my head there is a switch. Seriously, just take an x-ray and you’ll see it in there. And when someone won’t put their shoes on, or won’t go use the potty, or leaves a Lego on the stairs and I accidentally impale my foot on it, that switch might get flipped. And if that happens, WATCH THE F OUT. There is no going back. Anything you do will be wrong and you will piss me off and the fiery hell of my wrath will rain down upon you like red-hot embers.
It might last a few seconds, or a few minutes, or however long it takes for everyone to scurry away like cockroaches when you turn the light on. At some point later, the switch will flip back, and I’ll go back to my normal peaceful loving self, and I will feel incredibly guilty for losing it earlier.
But here’s what I try to remember. I’m not alone.
Like the other day I was hanging out with my friend who’s the most perfect, patient, nurturing mommy on earth, and her son wouldn’t stop kicking her chair. All of the sudden, my friend’s switch flipped. Steam started coming out of her ears, her nails grew out like Wolverine, she started drooling like Cujo, and this evil devil voice came out of her mouth.
FRIEND: IF YOU DON’T STOP KICKING MY SEAT RIGHT THIS SECOND I’M GOING TO, AGHHHH I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO, BUT IT WILL BE BADDDD.
And after it was done and her little switch flipped back to normal, she apologized to me profusely.
FRIEND: Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. He’s just been pushing my buttons all morning.
ME: Don’t you dare be sorry!! I am so glad to know that you do it too.
And that’s when something occurred to me. Every mom has that little switch inside her head. Every. Single. One. Even the moms we think are perfect.
So I’ve made a little something to help myself feel better the next time I lose it. Maybe it’ll help you too. Here are some other moms who also have lost it at one time or another:
- Michelle Obama
- Princess Kate
- Gwyneth Paltrow
- Julia Roberts
- Reese Witherspoon
- Jennifer Garner
- Blake Lively
- Jessica Alba
And in case you’re wondering how I know because I haven’t actually witnessed these people lose their shit before, I know because I know it happens to every mom. No matter how perfect you look, no matter how well-spoken you are, no matter how much yoga you do, no matter how much money you have, or how many nannies you have, or how cool and calm and collected you seem to the world, there will come a day that you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or you finish pooping and “someone” didn’t replace the toilet paper, or your kid forgets their backpack and tells you the second you pull up to school, and that little switch inside your head will flip. And you will lose it. It doesn’t mean you’re a crazy person. It means you’re normal.
If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it! Thank you!!
And don’t forget to check out my book I Want My Epidural Back!! I wrote it to help moms (and dads!!) feel more normal when they’re feeling crazy.
OMG, Thank you for this!!!!! You don’t even know how relevant this is for me today!
Thank God for you. I needed this. Tomorrow I’ll still be convinced that my switch flips WAY too often and I’m completely destroying my son’s self-confidence by yelling, and he’ll someday be a drug addict or a gamer living in an easy chair in my darkened basement 24/7, only coming out occasionally to restock on Cheetos, gummy bears and Diet Coke, but… for today, this did me good, and I thank you!
My switch has been closed for too long. I’m gonna blow and it won’t be pretty when it happens.
Thank you for this…really needed it today! I’ve been sick the last few days and I woke up at 6:30 this morning to my son standing in the bathroom saying he had peed himself. Turns out he wet the bed too and failed to tell me until we were leaving and I flipped my switch. My husband always nags “why can’t we have one peaceful morning?” like I’m a crazy person…why can’t we just have one morning when we all do what the F we’re supposed to do without me having to flip the switch!? Glad to know I am not alone!
Thank you for this!! EXACTLY the same thing happened to me this morning. And pretty much every morning and it annoys me to no end that my husband makes me feel bad about it and comments on how miserable our house is in the morning.
YES!! My husband does the same thing. He always says the morning so “miserable” too and nags me for flipping out. I have reason to flip the switch…after 47654357+ mornings with the same exact routine, I don’t understand how we don’t have it down yet and the kids still just stand around instead of finding their socks and shoes. LOL glad i’m not the only one!
Hilarious! Nope, you’re not alone! Some mom’s switch takes awhile to flip, but others go off and on more easily. The trick is to hold in the f-bombs, in my case…. (Which I do, thank God.)
thank you thank you thank you. I feel alone in the all. the. time. My husband has no switch. literally. calm as f*&K all the time. drives me nuts. I needed this. Thank you
I would love to like and share this but there’s no place on this page to do that that I can see.
I hope you can all see this picture of Princess Kate, about to flip her switch with Little Georgie. Otherwise just google Princess Kate looking at Prince George September 2016 Canada
Yes, I flip my switch too, but now it doesn’t happen with my children, it happens with my husband who acts like a child.