OMG, my dying hubby just said something and I’m STILL laughing (with a special offer from LOLA!!)

Ummmmmm. Can I show you what my bedroom looks like right now? Nope, not how messy it is. It’s actually not as messy as usual because a week ago I freaked out on my rugrats and made them both clean their rooms, and then I walked into my room and realized I was calling the kettle black big time.

This is my bedroom right now.

Yup. He has the bubonic plague. Oh nooooo wait, wrong century. He has a cold. I mean I assume it’s a cold because his nose is running and he hasn’t thrown up or copped a squat on the toilet for any length of time. So far the only symptoms I’ve seen are a crapload of tissues and the inability to do anything by himself. Well, besides pick up the remote control and constantly ask me to get him things.

Can I have some water? Can I have another tissue box? Can I have some soup? I’m like sure, honey, of course I’ll get the love of my life WHATEVER you need. It’s not like I have anything else to do (cough cough, laundry, homework, dinner, cleaning, bedtime, grocery shopping, etc etc etc).

Anyways, I just brought him some ice cubes for his water (as requested), and as I’m walking out of the bedroom he notices that I’m hunched over a little.

DYING HUBBY: What’s wrong?

ME: It’s nothing. Just cramps because I’m getting my period.

And you’re not going to believe what he says back…

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Anyways, back to my story!!

So this is what I say:

ME: It’s nothing. Just cramps because I’m getting my period.

And this is what he says:

HUBBY: You should get in bed too.

Bwhahahahahahahahaha. No wait, I’m not done yet. Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Seriously, does he seriously think I have time to lie in bed every time I have period cramps? Or the sniffles? Because do you know what would happen to our house if I were out of commission? This is what it would probably look like:

Yup. And then by the time I recover and get out of bed, I’ll just have to deal with the disaster my absence left behind. So yes, my abdomen might feel like it’s being stabbed over and over again by serrated ginsu knives (P.S. Lola just started selling an essential oil blend for cramps that I’m so excited to try), but I’m a mom. And moms don’t stop for pain. I still have to grocery shop so we don’t starve to death, and I still have to do laundry so we all don’t smell like gym socks, and I still have eyes on the back of my head to make sure no one is sledding down the stairs or swinging from the ceiling fan or Facetiming Grandma in their birthday suit.

I don’t stop to lie down, whether I have my period or appendicitis.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering how I responded to my dying hubby when he made the brilliant suggestion that I get in bed, I didn’t say a thing. I just marched downstairs and told the kids their daddy missed them and was hoping they’d come cuddle with him so he could turn off the boring football game and watch a movie together. So they ran upstairs to jump in bed with him and now they’re all watching a lonnnng G-rated movie with lots of infectious songs sung by cute little animals.

Oh wait, never mind. I can hear my hubby getting up now. It’s a miracle!

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There are 19 comments for this article
  1. Meghan at 9:48 am

    Oh I can relate to this…it’s like my husband is dying when he has the sniffles when I am in absolute pain from cramps(to the point of going to hospital sometimes for a morphine shot) he says “ omg it can’t be that bad!you are over reacting” I want to punch him in the throat … Sigh they don’t get it…

  2. Donna at 10:11 am

    Hum. Lemme see. I have CANCER have had multiple surgeries to to remove said cancer. I s**t in a bag because the boobs didn’t get me, my a*s did AND a glorious side affect recently was my gallbladde dying INSIDE me with gangrene and all And he compared my pain to his back surgery as in it wasn’t that bad? WTF Mr one-up-man? It earned him a sensere “F* You” and I went back to rocking in pain. Mind you after my first surgery where 12” of rectum and colon were removed (ensuring a fun bout of adult potty training when my “front b**t” is out back where she belongs) I was on Tylenol and Advil. Same after Gallbladder removal. The pain of the attacks warranted oxycodone!!!

    • BabySideburns at 10:17 am

      Donna, you sound like a superhero! I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. It sounds awful. If he did say it to you, someone should! xoxo

    • Cathy Abbey at 11:42 pm

      Donna I’ve had both back surgeries (5) and lung ca (7 yrs). Tell hubby you win, no comparison! I think people forget how bad it can be because they go back to living their lives while we make a new life out of the pieces that remain. Or with the add on pieces that never work like the original. You keep hanging in there woman! You are amazing!

  3. Irene at 11:17 am

    My husband recently sent me an article that said that yes indeed, men suffer worst than women when they have a cold. Did you see it? And in my most passive aggressive email typing tone I responded with this “Finally! An article written that says women are scientifically proven to be the stronger s*x, and that men should really just focus on reproduction.”

  4. Jessica S. at 4:13 pm

    Too funny!! Thankfully my hubby hasn’t had the man cold in awhile. I am definitely not that nice to him either! So bless you for being an awesome wife. 😉 Hope he feels better soon and doesn’t share it!

  5. Charlie at 4:35 pm

    Reminds me of my husband who was not particularly helpful when I had pneumonia for 8 weeks. Doctors couldn’t understand why I couldn’t shake it, apparently sorting out 3 kids and a man baby and ensuring everyone ate and had clean clothes did not help the recovery! Apparently he was too tired from work to deal with the 2 year old who woke up every night.
    This is the same man who every time I have a period (and they are as bad as having gallstones at times with multiple complications) says well at least that is one less to have now. Because apparently we know this magical end point and it is just like ticking another one off.

  6. Michelle Mimi Rittner at 5:52 pm

    I almost spit out my drink….NEVER waste vodka..js . So my ex was such a hypochondriac if someone had a cold he would get pneumonia. One day he came downstairs looking like he might die. Then he looks at me and says “I think I cought whatever you have”. To which I replied ” Hmmm… I have a HANGOVER ” The look on his face..PRICELESS!

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