Bwahahaha I can’t believe your kid calls it that

You know what kills me? How my kiddos used to speak when they were little. OMG, their tiny adorable voices and their baby laughs and their funny toddler words. Zoey used to call coconuts “nuck nucks” and Holden called guacamole “macamole.” It was so stinkin’ cute. But they slowly learned the real words now they sound coherent and more grown up and wahhhhh, where did all those cute words go?!! But the other day, Holden used one of those cute words again and I put up a dinky little post about it:

HOLDEN: Mom, look at all those nestesses in that tree.

HUBBY: Holden, they’re called–

ME: Don’t you DARE correct him.

And OMG, did the hilarious comments pour in. People shared the “wrong” words their kids use and some of them had me literally laughing out loud. So I’m gonna quit yapping and share some of my favorites with you (and don’t forget to share your own kid’s hilariously adorable “words” in the comments so everyone can see!!) Drumroll please, badadadadadadadada now presenting some hilarious wordses by kidses:

Mommy, look!! He’s driving a…

Wahhhh, my toy stopped working. We need to put in some new…

Me no want banana. Me want to eat some…

Nooo, that doesn’t sound racist at all, but speaking of cannibalism

Yayyyy, you made my favorite thing to eat…

Poor Eddie. But as long as we’re gonna eat him, pass the…

You know, I feel a little bad for Eddie. Instead I’m gonna have a slice of nice hot…

Bwhahahahahahahaha. Eww. 

Your nails are pink, Mommy. Are you wearing…

Mommmm, I’m ready to go to the pool, I put on my…

Oooooh looooook, it’s a…

Mama, don’t forget to put on your…

Who’s everyone’s favorite Thomas the Train character? It’s…

A great segue to everyone’s favorite ladies’ man

Here comes Han Solo in the…

with his friend…

Just what exactly do you cook in the…

If you feel bad for eating the whole entire funnel cake, just go back to…

They’re full of preservatives and all sorts of other naughty things, so maybe that’s why Little Timmy calls them…

Awwww, I love when kids mess up the names of their favorite aminals:

I’m surprised they aren’t overpopulating the earth with that name.

But let’s get back to some G-Rated stuff. Mommy, I want to watch…

She only looks cute and innocent.

And I seriously believe this word needs to be in the dictionary because it totally makes sense…

Last but not least, if you stub your toe and accidentally blurt out a curse word, better get some…

What hilarious words and phrases did your kids say?! Leave them in the comments and if I get enough hilarious ones, I’ll share my favorite ones in another post!!

If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. Thank you!! And if you’re the kinda person who likes to laugh, my book is on sale right now for $1.99. Holy crap that’s cheap! Click here to get it. 


There are 146 comments for this article
  1. Pamela at 8:51 am

    after spending hours looking for Turtle World on our local boardwalk…we finally realized he wanted to go on the tilt a whirl.

  2. Eve Fletcher at 8:54 am

    My son Lukas always wanted to color with the Kayrons. He used to tell his dad that I was going to blow a basket. hahahaha

  3. Michelle M at 8:56 am

    My daughter used to say Mee-ilk (milk), Haw-awaii (Hawaii), and Ky (Sky). Not to mention the fact that she put the letter B before a lot of words…Bbrella, bjamas

  4. Nikki at 9:08 am

    Tralantrula, keckaboo (peek a boo), and cow catcher…every time my little guy saw a helicopter he would point and say cow catcher, the adults started pointing them out and saying look J a cow catcher and he would get MAD and tell us straight out ‘that’s NOT a cow catcher it’s a cow catcher ??‍♀️??‍♀️??‍♀️

  5. Leah Brody at 9:19 am

    My son is 4 and his school teaches all about the brain. He knows what the pre-frontal cortex does, and what the amygdala does (though he calls it the amygLEAH)…

    Anyway, reading a book about the zoo and I pointed to the hippopotamus and said, “What’s that called?” He said “hippocampus!” ??

  6. Leslie S. at 9:20 am

    When my daughter Claire was around 2 or 3, (she is now 12) she said “hanitizer” for hand sanitzer — and we still giggle and say it to this day! (Love that you had this in your post!)
    She also called an iPhone “myphone”.
    She said “humbrella” for umbrella.
    She called Kraft Parmesan Cheese “shaky cheese” (since you had to shake the container to sprinkle it on your pasta).
    She also said “can-ah-corn” for canned corn.
    She also referred to shoes we took off and left near the door as “door shoes”.
    And whenever she heard someone talk about being vegetarian and not eating meat, she would declare that meat eaters should be called “meat-a-tarians”.

  7. Sarah Kent at 9:22 am

    Candylion = dandelion
    etatant = elephant
    KA-Pow = Cow, he kept saying pow instead of cow so we tried to teach him the correct way and it became kapow
    Dragon muffin = ragamuffin
    hoptacopter = helicopter
    hip-hop-atonamous = hippopotamus

    Kids are the best!

  8. CAROLINE at 9:43 am

    My 2.5 year old: caterpillow
    spaghettis are “pasta good”
    pancake is a verb, as in “let’s go pancake”
    Batman is Ba-te-man (like he says it with an Italian accent)

  9. Brandy at 9:43 am

    My daughter told her father about her herpes kiss on her arm. Loudly. I’m the grocery store. When she was 4. It was a hershey’s Kiss stamp from school.

  10. Tracy at 9:49 am

    My son, who wasn’t even that little at the time (like 10 or 11) used to say “Crocodile” instead of Pocket Dial. He legitimately thought that’s what it was called. He’s in college now, but I still say to him, “Sorry, I must have crocodialed you!” LOL

  11. Ruksana at 9:53 am

    My daughter was admitted at the “hostipal”. We pack a “suictase”. Mommy cook me some “paa-toh-poh” (potato fries). And of course eternal confusion of the hippptomamus or hippopotapus or hippotopapus so we settled for hippo. :’D

  12. Becky at 10:00 am

    My girl used to say “shut-it door” any time she wanted something closed, like a marker.
    Avocados – Autovacado
    Mac and cheese – Mack-a-mookie
    Balloon – Gwee

  13. Susan Baskett at 10:12 am

    My twins used to loudly yell in the grocery store that they wanted some “boobies” (blue berries) and my son’s favorite animal was pink-a-ma-mingos (pink flamingos).

  14. Abi at 10:14 am

    Well what she was trying to say was “throw in garbage”……it repeatedly came out as “fuh-ka bidge”.

    And similar to above, my oldest loves her “Hands-itizer” and refers things as “disastrophes” instead of catastrophes 🙂

  15. Patricia Burke at 10:22 am

    When my youngest was 2, she called Barbies “Boobies”. Imagine turning up that isle in Target and having your child yell loudly, “BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, I LOVE BOOBIES!”

  16. Jen Pallett at 10:31 am

    “toeditt” = turtle, Lifesavers (the candy) are always “light sabers” like from Starwars, even before they saw the movie.

  17. brittany at 10:36 am

    S’mores – smorfs
    Cauliflower – Crawling flower
    Kesha (the singer) – Ketchup

    My 8 year learning about ancestors in school, asked me “mom, who are my aunts sisters were?” I didn’t know she was learning about ancestors, I kept saying I was her aunt sisters until she said no the olden days dead people.”

  18. Peggy Wolf at 10:37 am

    My precocious quirky kid is 29 now and living in an apartment in San Francisco. When he was two he insisted that apartments should be called “connectments”. At age three he argued that eleven should be “oneteen”, twelve should be “twoteen”, and so on. Not funny, but what’s a parent to do with this kind of sh*t when the kid is right and the world is wrong?

  19. Heather S at 10:39 am

    My little guys both had speech sound delays and replaced a lot of sounds with an H sound. So my one son LOVED “dinowhores”! ??

    When I was little I like pookles on my hangaburgers.

  20. Erin at 10:42 am

    My six year old…
    “Thumb toe” is the big toe – cause what else would it be called?
    His favorite Bears player is Mickey Tribicky (Mitchell Trubisky).

    And my favorite…my cousin called a cocktail table a “c**k table table” until she was in college and needed a c**k table table!!

  21. Hannah at 10:43 am

    My oldest child had some of the best of my four. Hippenpotis (hippopotamus) and hole cupter (cup holder). Thanks to my third, all my kids called it hand sanitizer handzitizer instead. And my little three year old currently calls Rapunzel Papunzel which to hear how she says it in her serious conversation she has with me over this currently important princess is hard not to giggle quietly over and nevvveerr correct. Thanks for sharing! Love kids innocent and adorable expressions!

  22. Melissa B at 10:46 am

    My daughter says “mussmash” for mustache, and instead of just “shoes” and “socks” my son calls them both “shoesocks”.

  23. Kate Gilmore at 10:48 am

    Bringing home the new baby, “Mommy,what’s Tyler doing?” Me- he’s eating. “What’s he eating.. (looks) AHHHH HES EATING YOU!!! He’s eating your boo-boos!!” Sheer panic

  24. Stephanie Himel-Nelson at 10:55 am

    My then 3 year old was fond of dropping his pants and going anywhere outside. One time at a little league game I directed him to a port-a-potty and told him he had to go “inside the toilet.” He somehow heard that as “psycho toilet” and our new favorite malopropism was born! My son (also named Holden) is 12 now but we still all call port-a-potties “psycho toilets.” It fits!

  25. Hanna at 10:57 am

    My son who is 3
    Byebee- library
    Objects by what they say not what they’re called…neigh for horse moo for cow Aarrr! for dinosaur etc it’s really cute!
    He also uses “us” in place of “we”
    Us are home…us are here…where are us?

  26. Talya at 11:08 am

    My youngest uses a “magni-finding glass” to look at small things.
    He also yells out “P**p a yurt” (aka, P**p Alert) when he’s got to p**p.

  27. Karen Lochel-ryan at 11:11 am

    There is a ride at the Jersey Shore called the Moby D**k. My daughter called it the Moldy D**k for years. Now, at 16 years old I told her this this summer and she was mortified.

  28. Kelly palmieri at 11:19 am

    My niece always reminds us to put on “scum-screen” before we go in the pool.
    My son used to beg to look at the “long-mongers” (lawnmowers) at Dum heepo (Home Depot) he’s 12 and I still tease him about it!!

  29. Hillary at 11:43 am

    My kid kept calling a friend of my dad’s Oren. His name is Warren. In an attempt to correct it I said Wa-Wa-Wa-Warren. So two years later that’s still his name.

  30. Twinmomma at 11:48 am

    Oh love these! My twins for the longest time referred to penguins as pengos and flamingos were mingos. These days at 5 my Holden calls his favorite cereal sticky o’s (honey nut Cheerios) and instructions are constructions “well did u read the constructions mom?” while rolling his eyes ? My daughter still refers to chapstick as lip stack.

  31. Carri at 12:05 pm

    Wallamelon= Watermelon
    Fruit Poops= Fruit Loops
    Pollylop= Lollipop
    Lellow= Yellow
    Captapillar= Caterpillar
    Giant truck man= Optimus Prime
    Hanzitizer= Hand sanitizer

    It will forever be Fruit Poops in our house and doesn’t Hanzitizer just seem easier anyways?!?

    Kids are just plain awesome ❤️

  32. gingerpont at 12:18 pm

    When my daughter could finally say the ‘th’ sound, for a while she would talk about picking up “fings” with her “thingers”.

  33. Teresa Gregory at 12:27 pm

    My son told me the other day that he was “consecrating” (concentrating) on something. I’m a nurse, so we use correct anatomical terminology, and after a conversation about which boy parts are where, my son said, “so my tentacles attach to my p***s?”

  34. Rachael at 12:27 pm

    Omg. I needed this funny post after the phone call I just got. Apparently my little a-hole decided to copy the older kids on the bus and flipped people off. She is now booted off the bus for the next three days. Thanks for the laugh!

  35. Brit at 12:30 pm

    We have only left the kids with a babysitter one time for a date night. The other night my daughter said that she wanted to go to the restaurant that we went to when they were kidnapped.

  36. Jen at 12:38 pm

    My youngest could never pronounce ravioli, so it was “valioli.” And my oldest at age 1-2 would ask for a fork, but it came out slightly differently… “F**k!”

  37. Aireale at 1:10 pm

    8 year old- mom why does heli-c**k-ter (helicopter) have a bad word in it?
    Me-freaking out wondering how on earth my 8 year old knows the word c**k. Honey what bad word?
    8 year old- hell
    Me- huge sigh of relief, and I did correct her pronunciation!

  38. Amy Lundin at 1:31 pm

    When my daughter was three she called a waitress a mattress, and she used to call Lucky Charms cereal “nocchios” because she thought it was Pinocchio on the box ?

  39. Meg at 1:45 pm

    Sooooo many!
    My younger sister coined this one: instead of “bikini underpants” she called them “zucchini underpants,” which of course stuck, and of course mutated to “zukes.” So now underpants = zukes!
    also helicopter = kelldopper
    refrigerator = fridge-i-dator

    and my youngest daughter (pre-speech therapy) : clock = t**t
    WHOA! Wanna know what time it is? Look at the t**t!

  40. carissa at 2:12 pm

    When my brother was about 4 years old he farted really loud in church and then said (also really loud) “Awwww chit!” I think my mom almost died of embarrassment.

    My daughter is turning 9 tomorrow and still says aminals instead of animals. I just can’t correct it.

  41. Laura at 2:33 pm

    When we put things together we need to follow the “Uh-Struck-tions” (Instructions)
    At the farm they have a “P**n Kit” (Corn Pit)
    Her favorite food is “P**s-ghetti” (Spaghetti)

  42. Megan Martin at 2:49 pm

    The twins call Spaghetti paspaghetti.
    . helicopter is Chopper, oh and u better “get to the chopper” (say in ur best Arnold voice lol thx Arnold!) Lol.

    All if urs were awesome by the way. I was in tears laughing so hard hahaha!

  43. Elizabeth at 2:51 pm

    My son, Quin, used to talked in 3rd person when he was about 2 and couldn’t pronounce the Q in his name. My favorite was “Tin duded” for “Quin did”. He would call his sister I-wa for Isla (eye-la).
    My daughter would say “opitof” for octopus. She’s 7 and she still says hane-ga-bur for hamburger. Cracks us up!

  44. Lisa at 3:18 pm

    Somehow Flinstone vitamins became “little men” because my son couldn’t say “vitamin.” Then it morphed into “crunchy man.” He is now 10, and I will still tell him he has to take a “crunchy man.”

  45. Gretchen M Lindholm at 3:39 pm

    My 6 yo still likes to eat “oyt-meal” for breakfast.
    My nephew used to say “mung-on” for come on
    My niece used to say “shivvy me himbers” for Shiver me timbers

    I also was correcting my 6 yo that his mom didn’t have “nuts” but she had ovaries in her tummy. That same day he saw me in the bathroom…bc what mom goes by herself…and announced that he saw my “overalls”!

  46. Lindsey at 3:53 pm

    I taught my girls that their.. special areas are called their lady parts. It’s slightly less embarrassing than them exclaiming “my v****a is wet” in public, but you still get a lot of stares. The funniest day was when I told them men have man parts..

  47. Heather McIntyre at 3:59 pm

    My oldest daughter 6 calls a kit Kat a knick knack! So of course I call them that now too! And when my youngest, now 4, was born our oldest pronounced baby like Mae Mae! My youngest now only answers to Mae Mae ?

  48. Lisa at 5:35 pm

    My son, 6, would say “my peanuts” whenever he meant to say my p***s. For the longest time, he thought that was the right word. He still says it sometimes. Lol.

  49. Kathy Boyers at 6:09 pm

    My kids couldn’t pronounce my grandma’s last name which was Emeott. They called her Grandma Idiot. And condiments were compliments.

  50. Angie at 7:39 pm

    My daughter saw a pretty leggy bug in the back yard and my son called a crescent moon a banana moon. He was also talking about the Holocaust and how they had constipation camps.

  51. Deborah Wussler at 7:52 pm

    My son called a bikini a zucchini well into fourth grade. When his friends called him on it, he was *really* mad at me! Even funnier, when he was about 15, he was referring to honeysuckle, and kept calling it fuckle-tread. He looked at me like I was from Mars when I started laughing uncontrollably, and was like, “What? Fuckle-tread. You know, the vines? Fuckle-tread.” We still call it that to this day. =)

  52. Jennifer Baker at 8:12 pm

    When my daughter was an infant and my son was 3, he helped me by keeping my daughter “hockey-pied” (occupied) when she was crying while I was using the bathroom! Love little kids and their words <3

  53. Emily at 11:10 pm

    My kid was furious that I did understand when he demanded we “make a spoon.” Days later I realized….fort = fork = spoon.

  54. Megan at 11:11 pm

    Both of my kids (4 and 6) call skunks by a funny, but fitting name, stunks. My son (6) always says his heart is “beeping” and my daughter (4) calls ballet “bal-uh-lay.” I never correct them.

  55. Patti at 12:53 am

    My niece never understood why we all burst out laughing when she declared “all the pissin’ willies are out!” when the pussywillows were out.
    My 9 year old still refers to spinach as “scabbich” mmmmmmmm scabbich.

  56. Erin at 1:11 am

    My son loves Fall and “panumpkins” Also when he’s outside playing and getting really dirty he says “Look how deer-turds I am Mama!” He’s also been on a kick to go and get his “paint faced”

  57. Leigh-Anne at 1:59 am

    When I was a kid, I had a few cute phrases:
    Di-wiss-a-wiss = rhinoceros
    Pidapopus = hippopotamus
    Toyoks Pope-akes = Kellogg’s Corn Flakes
    Mo-keets = milk

    And my son loved daniva (vanilla) ice cream

  58. Hannah Ross at 6:47 am

    I love that you had v****a for lasagna.
    T-Turtles = Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
    One one more = one more
    Cee-ole = cereal
    He had one for the applesauce pouches too but I can’t think what it is.

  59. Michelle at 9:51 am

    My list could go on forever… but my favourite my kids say is
    Grill Cheese = girl cheese when my daughter was younger she asked how come daddy could have girl cheeses they are only supposed to be for girls haha!

  60. Heather Lee at 12:17 pm

    My youngest likes to say a lot of descriptive words about something instead of just the name of it:
    Pan = dinner box
    Kangaroo = jumping Joey
    Tongs = squeezer spoon
    An older kid = a big-year-old
    Question mark = a mystery mark

  61. Brie at 5:35 pm

    My daughter and I drove home from preschool (she was 4) and she told me they had cookies for snack. I asked what kind of cookies, and listed a few to see if she could remember… “Was it chocolate chip cookies? Or maybe teddy grahams?”

    “Nooo,” she said, “it was something like ‘v****a wipers’”?

    I nearly crashed the car. It took a good minute before I asked, “do you mean vanilla wafers?”

    One of the funniest moments of parenting.

  62. Jess at 6:36 pm

    Play dough was pay-a-dough. “Can I play with pay-a-dough?” You know how to say PLAY kid, just use it one more time in that question!

  63. Terriaki at 6:55 pm

    Foresthead for forehead and my son used to ask for mushrooms in his hot chocolate (meaning marshmallows -that’s a gross mixup!!)

  64. Dawn at 10:59 pm

    My daughter used to ask for “hangaburgers with cheese” and she likes “sneezening” (any kind of seasoning, more appropriate when it’s pepper) on her food.

  65. Erika at 11:13 pm

    My son used to call safety earmuffs “earmuffins”! He had some other mispronounced words, but the kid could clearly say Brachiosaurus and excavator at about 2.5-3 years old so there weren’t very many incorrect ones.

  66. Janelle B at 11:22 pm

    Our 14yo used to call elephants “en-o-wents,” princess was “crin-cess.” Kitten was “titten.”

    When we were very lil kids, my cousin used to call green grapes “gerbeen gerbapes.” They’re still gerbeen gerpapes…were in our 40s.

    For some weird reason, my baby brother called ketchup “D.” ?

  67. Diane F Simancek at 12:23 am

    I had a neighbor years ago who was teaching her kids correct names for their private parts. While at a Cub Scout meeting she asked her son to set the table. He couldn’t find the silverware in whatever container they were carried in and asked “Where’s the testicles?”
    Many giggles…..

  68. Nikki B. at 8:29 am

    My daughter once turned to my Mom and I when she was 7 yrs old and said “Mommy, my b***s hurt!” cue my Mom and I trying not to die laughing while asking what? She meant the heels of her feet. ??

  69. Chrissi at 8:31 pm

    These are all so cute!!
    One day I was out with my daughter and she kept saying she could see my “nipple” so I kept looking down at my shirt.. finally she pointed to my face and said “right there, you have a nipple on your face!” She meant pimple?‍♀️
    Phineas & Ferb- Phineas The Perv
    And we still call Parmesan cheese- Farmer John Cheese

  70. Faye at 9:53 pm

    Got a new one today! My 5 year old came home talking about how they watched a show at school and in it, sister bear was biting her nails. And did you know biting your nails is a bad rabbit? Bad rabbits are things that aren’t good for you! Took me a bit at first to figure out rabbit=habit lol

  71. Courtney at 5:52 pm

    My sister took my nephew to see the live action Jungle Book and when I asked him about it he said his favorite character was Bageesha (Bagheera). Lol. We still call him that.

  72. nonsequiturchica at 1:19 pm

    My son definitely says “p***y” instead of Percy. My husband and I giggle every.single.time. His new thing is to call a computer a “pooter.” My daughter used to say “suncream” for sunscreen. For a while my daughter had trouble with her “s” so her scooter was her “cooter.” Both kids calls McDonalds “Old MacDonalds”- I hope this one never goes away.

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