Well well well, here we go again. Back to school. And as exciting as it is to think about someone else taking your bored, fighting, whiny douchenuggets off your hands for seven hours a day, for some reason once the first day of school comes around we get all teary-eyed and go through like an entire box of tissues.
“Noooo, how can you be in the second grade already?!! It feels like just yesterday you were only a tadpole swimming out of your daddy. Oh crap, wait, I didn’t say that. We are not discussing that right now.”
But anyways, I digress. What was I saying? Oh yeahhh, parents can get a little emotional this time of year so I just want to give you a few pointers on how NOT to embarrass your children on the first day of school.
1. Do NOT take like a gagillion pictures of your kiddo that morning
You want to make some fancy delancy chalkboard sign with their new grade and favorite sushi roll? Go for it. But you get five seconds to click your shutter button as many times as possible before your kid gets that pained constipation smile and hates your guts for making them stand there like a statue.
2. Do not pick out their backpack FOR them
Just because she liked rainbow unicorns yesterday doesn’t mean she’ll like them today. P.S. if you let them pick out their own backpack, when they ask you for a different one in October, you can be like “Remember when I asked you 47 times if you were SURE you wanted a purple narwhal backpack and you said yes 47 times? No takesies backsies.”
3. Get allllll of your hugs and kisses out BEFORE you leave the house
If your kiddo will still kiss you in public, count your lucky blessings. But one day they’re gonna see all their friends standing around watching and be like don’t you dare touch me, Mom. So do it before you leave the house. That way you won’t turn into a basket case because you didn’t get your goodbye kiss.
4. Order your kids a bunch of affordable back to school outfits on thredUP!!
And yes, #4 is sponsored, but I cannot begin to tell you how many AWESOME things I got for back to school on thredUP. It’s like the best back to school hack ever. See?
thredUP is literally the largest online thrift store that has your favorite brands for up to 90% off estimated retail price. Yes, NINETY!!! And they have SOOOOOO many high-quality things for kids (and moms!!). Some of the stuff I got is even brand new with tags! I love how easy thredUP makes it to shop. You can search and sort by size, brand, price and more all without leaving your house. And best of all, your kids can brag that they’re doing something helpful for the planet because buying secondhand means you’re recycling. Woohooooo!!
Last but not least, thredUP is giving Baby Sideburns readers up to 50% off their first order. Just click here and use the code BABY at checkout, and certain items will be discounted an extra 20-50% off the ALREADY low prices. Wooohoooo!!! (Expires 8/31/19. Applies to new US and Canadian customers only, see site for full terms).
5. Do NOT put those cute little napkin notes in your kid’s lunchbox
Once his friends accidentally see that you call him Schmoopybear or Pookiepie, he’s got a nickname until graduation.
6. Do NOT get out of the car at drop-off if you are wearing something embarrassing
Like pajamas or slippers or a bathrobe. And do NOT get out of the car either if you’re NOT wearing something. A bra. Yes, I know you think crossing your arms over your chest hides your bralessness (say that word ten times quickly), but it doesn’t. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll be in danger of them dangling out the bottom of your shirt and mortifying your child for the rest of their life.
7. When you pick up them up after school, do NOT wave wildly and call out “Yoohooooo, over here!!!”
Yes, I know there are 90 navy blue minivans all in a row, but your job as a parent is to blend in with all the other parents, not to stand out as the crazy one.
8. Be cool. ish.
I mean your kid won’t think you are, but at least you can avoid totally mortifying them to death.
Wait, one more thing! And don’t skip this part because it is GOOD. thredUP wants to give one of you a $200 shopping spree. I hope it’s me! Oh crap, I can’t win. Then I hope it’s you!! Anyways, just hop on over to the thredUP website and pick out an item you want. Put the link to that item in the comments here or on my Facebook page , and I’ll randomly select one winner and reply to their comment by August 18. Here are the official rules in case you like long boring legal stuff.
That’s it, good luck out there! Happy back to school!! And don’t forget to click here to get up to 50% off you first thredUP order with the code BABY!!
If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it! Thank you!!!