Dear Tinkerbell, where the F were you last night

Awwww shit, I kinda F’ed up this morning. So a buncha nights ago Zoey made this picture of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell and then she put it on her nightstand.

I had no idea she actually made them FOR Peter and Tink (no, I’m not on a first name basis with them, I’m just too lazy to type their whole names every time). I mean she does this shit alllllllll all the time but if she doesn’t tell me, I don’t even notice because like I said, she’s done this like 9, 000 times.

Anyways, after a few nights had passed, Zoey looked at me and said that she couldn’t understand why Peter and Tink hadn’t picked up their picture yet. I’m like, uhhhhhh, maybe because if you don’t say this shit out loud, I have no F’ing idea they’re supposed to. So I made up some story about how they had a lot of emergencies to help with because it’s so cold outside, like all the bunny holes were snowed in and Peter and Tink were busy shoveling them out and didn’t have time to pick it up.

She totally bought it (suckkkkaaaa) and then I was gonna take the picture the next night, but DOH, I totally forgot. In my defense, I was very busy that night– sitting on the couch eating Oreos and watching the Bachelor, not to mention the fact that I was very distracted by the fact that the new Bachelor picked some super crazy biatches this time. But I digress.

So this morning when I went in to wake Zoey up and she was sleeping with the blanket over her head, I was like score! Time for a stealth mission. I quietly took the picture out of her room and then went downstairs and wrote out a super fast magic note from Tink on my special green note cards (which I’m about to run out of, eeeeks, but F if I’m buying a whole new rainbow set just to get the green ones again) and a silver Sharpie. It was super messy and but Zoey can’t read yet so whatever. And then I quietly crept into her room (insert Mission Impossible music here) and put it on her nightstand.

ME: (sweetly) Zoey, Zoeyyyy, time to wake up.

And when she looked at her nightstand, I expected her to squeal with delight.

ZOEY: Huh? That wasn’t there a second ago.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Apparently she’d already woken up and looked.

ME: Well, she must have come in just now. You’ve seen Tinkerbell in the movie. She’s super fast. She must have flown in really quickly this morning and put it there.

But I could see the look in Zoey’s eyes. The doubtful “I’m starting to question this shit” kinda look. Ruh-roh. What if she stops believing in Tinkerbell? What if she stops leaving her pictures beside her bed? What if she stops waking up in the morning and asking why Tinkerbell was too busy to come last night?

Hmmmm, lemme think about this. Then mayyybe I won’t wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because I realized I forgot something but can’t remember what. And mayyybe I won’t have to worry about the fact that I’m about to run out of green note cards. And mayyybe I won’t have to come up with stories on the spot about why Tink was too busy to come pick up her one millionth picture last night. I mean yeah, I guess I might miss the magic a little (picture me holding my fingers together a half millimeter apart).

Anyways, I F’ed up. But I didn’t do it on purpose. And mayyybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that I did.

P.S. By the time I wrote this and typed it into my blog to publish, Zoey came in and asked me for the markers and paper so she could draw Tinkerbell another picture. I shit you not.

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