Wait, HOW OFTEN are we supposed to be “doing it?!!” (With a special offer from LOLA!!!)

Dear Friend,

So the other day you were upset about something, and I just sat there listening because I could tell you needed to get stuff off your chest, but we ran out of time before I could respond. So I want to tell you something now. You are SOOOOOOOO NOT alone. You’re like the fourth friend to tell me the same thing this year.

You and your hubby don’t have sex as often as you used to. Duhhh, we’re not spring chickens ya know. But I can see why that makes you a little anxious and worried but I don’t think you should be. I mean can we just step back for a moment and look at the big picture? This is what your life used to be like:

And this is your life now:

And his life is the same way. And to be honest, it takes a crapload of energy to do alllllllllll the stuff you have to do every day while the rugrats keep begging you to do even MORE stuff for them. Mommm, look at me!! Mom, can I have some milk? Noooo, I wanted chocolate milk!!! Mom, can I have that toy? Mom, watch this commercial. Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommmm. No wonder all you want to do at the end of the day is go to sleep. If having two little poop machines has taught me one thing, it’s that sleep is like the best damn thing on earth.

So come 11:00pm, I’m not usually like, “Heyyy, I have a great idea, let’s do exercise right now even though someone’s gonna wake me up in like six hours or maybe even three!!” I mean isn’t it bad enough that my hubby riles up the kids right before bed, and now he wants ME to do piggyback rides with him too? Yeehaww, NOT.

Because guess what happens after we have awesome bedtime sex? He’s knocked out and snoring while I’m lying there bug-eyed like I just swallowed a bottle of No Doz and four Red Bulls even though I know that’s not possible because the dude at 7/11 carded me and said I’m too old to buy Red Bull.

But seriously, my friend, my point is this. I’m a few years older than you and I know something. Life changes as we get older so there are two things you have to do. One, you might have to motivate yourself to “do it” sometimes. I mean whenever my hubby and I do the horizontal mambo these days, we always say the same thing right after it. That was FUN, we should do it more often!

Cut to the next night and I’m like nope, sleep sounds wayyyyyy better right now. And the night after that. And the night after that. And so on and so on and so on. So I know it doesn’t sound very sexy, but you might have to pencil in a little reminder on the family calendar. Drive Carpool on Wednesday, Ballet Recital on Thursday, Slippery Banana on the 16th.

And here’s the second thing you need to do. Stop worrying about it so much.

It’s not because your relationship is crappy. It’s because your life is full of so much crap. And every couple is different so try not to compare yourself to others. Whether it’s been a whole week since you last had sex, thirty days since you had sex, or six months since you had sex, believe me, almost all of us are having way less sex than we used to. And there really is no RIGHT number of times you should be having sex anyways.

Love,

Your friend who really needs a shower this morning after what went down in my bed last night (my son threw up all over me) (yup that’s the kind of action I’m getting these days)

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