I finally figured out what that smell is in the kids’ bathroom and I am dyyying (with a special offer from Who Gives A Crap, my new favorite company!!)

Holy crap, you are NOT going to believe what I just found in my kids’ bathroom. This is unbelievable and hilarious and disgusting all wrapped up together. Let me start at the beginning.

So it all begins about two weeks ago when I go into the kids’ bathroom to hang up their wet washcloths and I smell something. Ewww, what is that? So I lift up the toilet lid and yup, someone didn’t flush. Grrrrr. I mean it’s only #1, but when #1 has been sitting there for a really long time, it starts to smell like #2. So I flush it, but even after the flush it still stinks in there so I give it a second flush. And then I walk away.

Cut to a couple of days later and I’m in there cleaning gobs of toothpaste out of the sink when I get a whiff again. Come onnn, it’s pretty simple, guys. Wipe, flush, wash. So I lift up the lid. Huh, there’s nothing in there. Weird.

So I start opening cabinets and stuff looking for the culprit. Nothing under the sink, nothing in the medicine cabinet, nothing behind the toilet. I mean I smell a little something when I lean down by the trashcan so I take it downstairs to dump it, and I watch what falls out. Some tissues, a wipe and a few LEGOs I stepped on earlier that day. Nothing crazy, but hopefully the stinky culprit was in there.

Doo doo doo doo doooooo, going on about my life because it still smells funky but I figure the stench probably needs a little time to dissipate.

But the next day when I walk past the bathroom, I smell it again. Agggghhhhh, are you kidding me, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!!!! So I go back in to investigate. I start to wonder whether it’s something in the pipes or the wall or something. Do I need to call a plumber??? And that’s when I find it. Oh my gawwwwd.

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Okay, back to my story.

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So I’m desperately sniffing all around the kids’ bathroom when I see they’re about to run out of toilet paper, and I picture them screaming bloody murder to me when that happens so I go to change it. And that’s when I notice something weird. WHAT. IS. THAT. There’s a little something poking out of the toilet paper tube. I seriously have no idea what it is. WTF? Is it a stuffed animal? Is it a dead animal?

So I bend down to get a closer look. Is that? Noooooooo, it can’t be. Oh yes, it is.

Holy crap, that is a fish stick!!!!! I am dying. DYYYYING. Who the heck put a fish stick into the toilet paper tube?!!! And how long has it been there?!!!

But I’m pretty sure I have a good idea. Last week I was sick of serving chicken nuggets and mac & cheese for every meal so I decided to try something new. Duhhh, fish sticks. Let’s just say it did not go over so well with the kids.

And now I’m racking my brain trying to remember if one of them left the table to use the bathroom in the middle of dinner. And did they purposely carry the fish stick in their pocket to hide it, or did they just accidentally carry it upstairs with them to the bathroom and then think, “Hmmm where should I put this while I go potty? Oh, I know, here’s a good hole.” WTF????

So yes, after school I ask them but neither of them confess, and I know I should probably just punish them both but honestly I just want to forget about this whole experience. And besides, I’m pretty sure neither of them is ever going to put a fish stick in the toilet paper tube again because A. Who the heck even does that ONE time??? And B. I will never be serving fish sticks again. Ever.

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