The time Holden was the donkey in Shrek. I think. Maybe. Wait, was he?
ME: Hey buddy, how was the field trip?! HOLDEN: Boring.
Holy crap, alrighty then, guess we’re throwing away all of our toy guns
Okay, so this is no secret, but I’m not a huge fan of guns. Don’t get me wrong, I come from Texas where most of my friends owned plenty of guns and I’m not trying to take away people’s gun rights, and I think there are perfectly reasonable reasons to own a gun. But honestly…
Sandy Hook could happen at your school, and yes, I know this sucks to think about. A lot.
This morning Zoey freaked out about her hair. She got this new fancy bun wrap (like this fancy glittery thing that wraps around it) and she has literally worn it every single day for the past six days. So every day I have to put her hair up in a high ponytail and everyday we…
Dear Chrissy Teigen, I am SOOOOOO glad you posted that picture when you did
Dear Chrissy Teigen, Okay, you can’t see me right now so let me tell you that I am literally on my knees bowing down to you as I write this letter, which doesn’t make it easy to type. I mean technically America doesn’t have royalty, but you are my queen. Not because you’re gorgeous,…
Drumroll please, it’s the totally kickass Gift Guide of stuff people actually need and want
Dear Aunt Ida, WTF? Seriously? Do you seriously think I want a fuzzy sweater with a 3D reindeer on it for the holidays? I mean thank you for the present and nothing against reindeers, but where the heck am I supposed to wear this thing? To the ugly sweater party I wasn’t invited to…
When your kid refuses to participate– do you beg, bribe, threaten or back off?
OMG, I am so excited for Holden. He is totally going to be the best soccer player ever. My hubby and I both played and we are just super excited that he’s such an athletic kid. He’s amazing. See? Yup, this is him in action. Impressive, eh? We tried coaxing, threatening, bribing, begging, and ignoring,…
Bwahahaha I can’t believe your kid calls it that
You know what kills me? How my kiddos used to speak when they were little. OMG, their tiny adorable voices and their baby laughs and their funny toddler words. Zoey used to call coconuts “nuck nucks” and Holden called guacamole “macamole.” It was so stinkin’ cute. But they slowly learned the real words now they sound coherent…
THIS is why you have to be sooo careful around water
Oh my God. Not OMG. This story is way too serious for abbreviations. So yesterday after school and baseball, Holden came home smelling all stinky, so after dinner I told him to go upstairs and get ready for a bath. HOLDEN: I’m tired.
I’m sorry I’m cheating on you
Dear Target, I’m sorry, but I’ve been cheating on you. A lot. Do I still love you? With all of my heart and soul and I still love pushing a cart around your store and putting way more things into it than what I came for, but it just doesn’t happen as much as…
What’s a girl to do when someone makes fun of her for what she wears
Dear Zoey, So this morning was a little rough. I saw what happened. The way you purposely put your hair up in crazy pigtails and popped that unicorn headband on your head and headed off to school with energy and excitement and happy feelings.