Dear me seven years ago, Awww, aren’t you so cute with your pregnant belly all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, about to bring your first little bundle of joy into the world? Bwhahahaha, that baby is gonna be ridiculously cute… until you realize she came with
I don’t know about you, but this long break from school really is such a blessing. Just the other day I heard a group of moms complaining about it, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and cluck my tongue with pity. Not a day minute second goes by that I don’t reflect on…
Okay, so I guess I’m kind of an old-school parent. I under-schedule my rugrats, I make them eat all their non-organic veggies before they get their GMO-packed desserts, and I even yell things like, “GO TO YOUR ROOM!!” TODAY’S PARENTING EXPERTS: Gasp!! But that’s supposed to be their safe place! Well, I’ve decided enough living in the past. I can be a…
Dear God please help me not go insane. Dear God please help me not go insane. Dear God please help me not go insane. Because holy crap, I am about two seconds from going out of my F’ing mind and being strapped into a straightjacket and dumped into a padded cell. It started last week…
Dear stranger who disciplined my kiddo at the playground today, Woah woah woah, lemme get this straight. So today your daughter was trying to do the monkey bars? Okay, got it. And my kid was trying to do the monkey bars too? Simple enough. But since your kiddo is new to the monkey bars…
Well, well, well, isn’t this interesting? Someone just sent me a very informative article about timeouts. Holy crap, did you know that a recent scientific study shows that giving timeouts to children mimics similar brain activity to children who are neglected and abused?!! Agghhh, I’ve been giving my rugrats timeouts for years and clearly F’ing them…
To the woman who just had her first baby last night, Okay, so the first thing I want to say is, WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!!!!!!!! I mean it’s not like a super exclusive annoying club like the crappy stuff you dealt with in high school or anything, but it is a club. A club…
ME: Agghhh, I have SOOO much to do today, I think my head might explode. HUBBY: Want me to do the grocery shopping? I know I should jump on this amazing offer immediately, but A. I’m waiting for the probe to fall out of his tush because clearly he was abducted by aliens and…
Okay, so Mother’s Day is next weekend and I could totally buy my mom some fun earrings, or grab her a gift card at Tarjay, or pick out some pretty flowers to be delivered and then curse the company because they want to charge me an extra million dollars for delivery on Mother’s Day, but…
Dear Mattel, Okay so the other day we were at Toys R Us looking around when I stumbled upon the Barbie section and I did a double take. What’s this? Did you finally give Barbie’s body a makeover? And then I looked a little closer and realized nope, not really. The regular Barbie is…