Okay, so today Zoey is getting her hair cut. Wait, no, that does not do it justice. Today Zoey is getting her hair CHOPPED OFF. Her beautiful, gorgeous, strawberry blonde hair that I lovvvvve. Yup, she came to me last week and said she wanted to cut her hair.
1. All you gotta do is buy the girl a $4 Happy Meal at Mickey D’s and she’d pretty much agree to marry you.
AGGGHHHH, what happened this year?!! I was looking through my pictures yesterday and I came across this one and I realized it was ONLY like eight months ago and holy crap, Zoey looks sooooo much littler than she does now. How is it possible to age that much in like eight months? Yes, it’s kind…
Dear nanny talking on your cell phone, Okay, so last Tuesday I took my kiddos to the Children’s Museum and I saw you three times that day. The first time was on our way there when I pulled up next to you at a traffic light. There you were yapping on your cell phone in…
1. Sleep now. Like seriously, think of yourself as a bear and this is your only chance to hibernate because as soon as little Miss Poopie Pants arrives, you might not get 8 straight hours of sleep in like, hmmm, I don’t know, maybe forever. 2. Breastfeeding sucks. No pun intended. Eventually it’s pretty amazing…
OMG, so the other day someone sent me this lady’s blog about the time she made her placenta into sushi and ate it. No, that entire sentence is not a typo. You can swallow your throw up now. Anyways, last night I was chatting with my friend who’s VERY preggers and about to pop and we were…
Dear kid who I just saw being bullied outside Noodles and Company, I heard what those a-hole kids said to you and I just wanted to tell you something. Yeah, I know I’m just some random grownup who really doesn’t know WTF you go through every day, so maybe you don’t even want to listen to…
ZOEY: Mom, where are we going?! ME: It’s a surprise!! ZOEY: Noooo, tell me. ME: It’s a surprise!! ZOEY: Fine, just give me a hint. ME: Okay, put one shoe on and we can go. ZOEY: Ugggh, Mom, where are we going?!!! ME: I said put ONE shoe on and we can go! ZOEY: Mommm,…
My 3.5 year-old still naps. Yup, I said that. Be jealous. Judge me if you want. But man do I get a lot of shit done while he’s sleeping and there is no way I’m letting him drop his nap yet. Yeah, some days he’s a total douchenugget and keeps singing to himself and coming out…
Dear brand new mom, Let me start by saying this. You are not: Crazy Alone Doing a bad job Remember when you were scared about giving birth and you told yourself it’s okay, millions of women have done it before me? Well, millions of women have felt exactly the way you feel right now. No,…