Dear Baby Sideburns,
I need some tips!!! For the first time post baby, I’ve been asked when my baby is due. For the record, I’m 5’5 160lb and slightly overweight, nothing out of the norm. And I’ve lost 25lb in the past year so to say I’m pissed is an understatement. I’d love to hear some great comebacks when a woman is mistaken for pregnant.
First of all, congrats on losing 25 pounds!! That’s awesome. Second of all, oh no they di’n’t! What a dumbass. Next time that happens to you,
here are some ways to respond to any brainless schmuckhead who asks you when you’re due again:
1. Answer seventeen months ago (or however old your baby is), and then watch them figure it out in their head and feel like a total ass.
2. Ask them if they want to feel your baby kicking, and when they step close to put their hand on your belly, kick the shit out of their shins.
3. Respond “no hablo assholio”
Hope that helps!