Dear Baby Sideburns,
Our 2.5 year old daughter keeps spitting her food and juice on the floor and in her toys. We have tried everything. I want to kill her lol. Have you ever encountered this and how did you handle it? I’m going fucking crazy lol. Thanks for keeping me sane with everything I’m thinking but don’t want to say! You’re wonderful.
Based on the last two words of your message, I can tell that you’re brilliant, which makes me wonder why the hell you’re asking for MY advice. I mean my toddler throws tantrums constantly and my daughter keeps scratching her
butt and then her finger smells like poo.
But if you still want to know what I think, here goes. Can your kiddo drive herself to the grocery store and buy her own groceries? No? Well, then basically you are in control of whether she lives or starves to death. So the next time she decides to spit out crap, this is what you do. You take her food and drink away. WARNING: she might turn into Cujo for a few minutes, but stay strong. You tell her she’s not getting it back until she promises not to spit it out again. Then give it back. If she spits again, she loses it permanently. That’s right, the meal is over for her.
Now I know this is gonna suck for you and it’s totally going to feel like you are starving her to death, but really you’re teaching her how to be an awesome human being and not a fartface. Unless she does this like 17 meals in a row, in which case I’m sorry, she might starve to death and die and you’ll be one of those crazy parents they show on the news at night. Hope you look good in orange!