Awww crap, look who just lied to her kids about where their stoopid balloon went



“Oh my God, this is the worst thing that could ever happen. Our lives are over and we will never be able to move on from this. How will we ever go on without that stupid F’ing $1 Spiderman balloon?”

Do you guys remember this picture from earlier this summer? When Holden’s Spiderman balloon floated away? Maybe you do or maybe you’re like me and have brainesia and don’t remember jack squat anymore. Anyways, as you can see it was pretty traumatic. And HILARIOUS. Uhhh, I mean devastating. But seriously, it was just a stupid balloon from the Dollar Tree and Zoey and Holden reacted like the world was on fire. I figured they would forget about it in a week or so and move on. Ennnh, wrong.

Now it’s many months later, and guess what my two kids are STILL talking about. I shit you not. The other night we’re sitting at the dinner table when we heard a really weird noise outside (probably just some stupid bird of something) but the kids were trying to figure out what it was.

ZOEY: Maybe it was a Boxtroll.

ME: Yes, probably.

HOLDEN: No, no, no, mayyybe it was my Spiderman balloon.

Say WHAT?! You’re still thinking about that mylar piece o’crap? That was like three months ago when it floated away. And then, right there at the dinner table, I came up with an awesome idea. Muhahahahahaha, a brilliant way to trick my kiddos.

ME: Uhhh, guys, I gotta go run an errand.

And I left my hubby with the kids and rushed to the Dollar Tree to see if they still carried the beloved Spiderman balloon. Nine thousand minutes later (because of course the moment I arrived at the Dollar Tree they ran out of helium and had to change the tank), I walked out of there with a new Spiderman balloon and I was off to the park to take some pictures with it.

Okay, so this part takes a little explaining, so bear with me. You don’t want to miss my kids’ reaction to my trick.

So do you guys know what the Blinkbuggy app is? It’s this totally cool app that lets you pop your pictures and quotes and milestones all into one place on your phone. You know for regular moms who are too busy to run and get that stupid fancy baby book every time their kid rolls over for the first time or cuts a tooth. I mean seriously, do people seriously enter every tooth into those baby books? Ohhh look at that, sweetie, your third bicuspid came in on April 27 of 2014!! WTF?

Anyways, the Blinkbuggy app has this new feature that lets you take the pictures on your cell phone and turn them into cool postcards and send them to people with the push of a button. So awesome!! And a HUGE part of my diabolical plan.

So I took a picture of the Spiderman Balloon swinging on the swing set at the park (yes, the other people at the park thought I was a total whackjob) and quickly uploaded it to Blinkbuggy. Then I ordered a postcard of it to be sent to our house. I was like a dog chomping at the bit waiting for the mail to come every day, DYING to see the postcard. And then it came!!!


ME: Look guys! LOOK!!! Zoey and Holden, get in here! Guess who sent you a postcard! Spiderman Balloon!!! And look what he said! Dear Zoey and Holden, I’m sorry I floated away so suddenly but I wanted to see the world! I’m having SO much fun!! Miss you guys and hope to see you soon. Love, Spiderman Balloon.”


You would have thought they won a million dollar shopping spree at Toys R Us they were SOOOOO excited to hear from their long lost beloved helium friend. They were jumping up and down and shouting and cheering. See?


They even forgot they hated each other for a minute and hugged!


And Holden even rushed into the living room to show the postcard to his dad!!

Anyways, they LOVED getting the postcard from Spiderman Balloon and finding out there was actually a good reason he ruined their lives that summer day.

And I figure I don’t have to use the Blinkbuggy postcard feature for crazy stuff like this all the time either. I can use it for thank you notes (dear so-and-so, look at my kiddo playing with that giant drum set you got him, and yes, that’s me in the background chopping off my ears). Or I can use it to send people pictures from our vacations (having fun at the Eiffel Tower where Holden just dropped a penny over the side and killed a man). Or I can use it to keep my kiddos in line (hi Zoey, it’s Tinkerbell, and I’ll be watching you ALL day tomorrow).

Seriously, it’s awesome. Click here and check out the Blinkbuggy app!!

And stay tuned, because I’m sure I’ll be sending lots more awesome postcards from Spiderman Balloon on his amazing adventures. Or whatever balloon they accidentally let go of the next time and totally freak out over. I just hope I’m there to take pictures, uhhh I mean, to hug them and stroke their hair and comfort them.

There are 19 comments for this article
  1. Kristine @ MumRevised at 10:28 am

    I love this! We are beyond balloons, but my son won a giant (5feet) red dog at the carnival. Do you know how hard that is to lose? I might just take it on an adventure one day and send a ‘goodbye’ card. 5′ red dog, your days are numbered!

  2. Christian at 11:40 am

    the 5′ red dog MUST go on an adventure looking for his long lost cousin Clifford the big red dog!

  3. Kristina P at 12:05 pm

    That is awesome, awesome parenting. In before someone says “how can you lie to your kids, imagine how they will feel when they find out you are a LIAR”

  4. Patti Burnell at 12:53 pm

    You are an awesome mom!!! We all lie to our kids in little ways. One time the line at Wendy’s was soooo long and people were walking out, so to avoid a complete melt down I told my then 3 year old that there was a sign saying they had run out of burgers. He accepted it and we went to Burger King or whatever instead. He is now 13 and it didn’t even scar him for life or anything lol. The balloon will be a great story to tell them about when they are older!!!

  5. melissa at 8:31 am

    Love this story! When loud music toys don’t have an off button, it goes away fast! Its considered “broken”. Now my 3 yr old knows all about batteries. Dammit!

    • Helen at 9:07 am

      When my son was 5 he had a really loud toy police car, with sirens and flashing lights. He drove us crazy playing with it all day. But I went beyond taking the batteries out, I cut the wires so the car would not make a sound. To this day, my nkw almost 12 year old son just thinks the police car broke. He still loved playing with it and making his own sound effects.

  6. k9mommy at 1:33 pm

    hilarious! but wouldn’t it have been easier to just bring the balloon home, tangle it up somewhere in the yard, and then say “look, kids, that noise you heard really WAS Spiderman balloon!”?

    • k9mommy at 1:34 pm

      not that that would have been as much fun. but only because I’m all about the easy these days.

    • Alexis at 10:21 pm

      Yes but Then she couldn’t advertise for this app at she mentioned like 4 times lol.

  7. Tia K. at 8:47 pm

    I did almost the same thing when ‘someone’ forgot and left the balcony door open and a fish shaped balloon floated away! Of course I had to go out on my bicycle and LOOK for the crazy thing that was probably a couple miles up in the sky by then! Later, my mom came to visit us and told my boys that she thought she saw a fish floating in the sky out of her airplane window!! (win one for me for clueing her in before hand!).

  8. tessamartinuk at 2:16 pm

    That’s a giant win for mommy!! I am so glad my kids are too old for this, we used to tell our kids the balloons were going to heaven or just buy them another balloon to shut them up lol. It’s okay, you can’t drop pennies (or anything else) from the Eiffel Tower, it’s all fenced up now…..too many people were committing suicide by jumping from the Eiffel Tower (& possibly landing on other people)….or too many British Kids wanted to drop pennies (and everything else) from the Eiffel Tower to see what would happen….. either or…..another reason the French hate us Brits lol?

  9. Melissa at 8:55 am

    I like your stuff, laugh my a*s off almost daily to it and appreciate that. My only suggestion is to do a bit more research before posting on “touchy” subjects. You came across as extremely ignorant on the issue and you don’t want people to believe you’re ignorant do you? My son is autistic (and vaccinated) I don’t have to make up a disease to prove my point because I live it everyday. The “autism thing” has in fact not been debunked, and also they’ve been proven safe by the same people who manufacture and make millions off of them. Go grab a bottle of formaldehyde at the store and feed it to your kids for lunch if it’s so safe:)