Holy crap, some other people suck at making school lunches just like meeee!!!

Hey, have you seen the totally rude post that a-hole mom wrote about Pinteresty moms who pack fancy lunches? This one. She must either be like a total super bitch or suffer from crazy low self-esteem.

Nahhhh, just kidding, that was meeee!!!

And when you saw it if you weren’t running off to grab some tissues because you were crying (or peeing) from laughter, then maybe you noticed I asked people to send in their own shitty lunch creations. And I got some real losers!! I mean I kinda thought I was like the shittiest lunchbox creator out there until I saw some of these. Holy crap, some of you guys SUCK ASS. Which totally makes me want to be friends with you.

Anyways, here are a few of my favorites and just for shits and giggles I’ve given them all titles.

LunchPorcupine

Let’s begin with this little edible creation. She calls it “Cute Porcupine.” I call it “I hope my kid get stabbed in the esophagus and dies”

LunchSalamiFaceSilenceOfTheLambsSkin

And this one I like to call “An ode to that scary-ass dude in Silence of the Lambs who likes to wear other people’s skin”

LunchSnowmen

Yo lady, I’m all for equal opportunity but there is no such thing as brown snow. And WTF are they riding on, a five-wheeled spaghetti-mobile? Anyways, I’m calling this one “Shit Snowman”

LunchPoopInThePotty

And speaking of shit, a mom made this for her three-year-old to convince him to poop in the potty. Uhhh, not quite. I call this one “Yo, kiddo, poop wherever you happen to be standing. And then wipe your ass with cheese”

LunchJustEat

Ummm, WTF is that? No wonder your kids won’t eat your food. It looks like you ate the whole dinner while you were cooking it (I do this all the time) and then served the kids the scraps. I call this one “Just F’ing Call Dominos.”

LunchHotdogDog

And this is one of my personal favorites. But I can’t decide which title to use. Either “Choking hazard with mini weapons and feet that make you fart” or “So basically you cut off my ass and made it my head.” Cute kid though!

LunchRavioli

I call this one “Awww shit, no wonder I feel bloated, it’s that time of the month”

LunchHalloween

Hmmm, what on earth should the title be for this masterpiece? Lemme see, uhh, maybe, “I want my kid to eat severed body parts and grow up to be the next Jeffrey Dahmer”

LunchBoobiePancakesMamogram

And OMG, check out all those flat boobies!! I’m totally calling this one “After the Mammogram”

LunchDinosaurSandwich

And last but not least, wait, maybe it is least. I call this lunch “Constipated dinosaur served on a prison tray”

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I promised to give the shittiest creation a copy of my signed book. Drumroll please. And the winner is, awwww shit, I can’t make such a monumental decision. If I were a millionaire I’d send them all books, but since I haven’t won the lottery YET, I’m gonna be lazy and let you pick the winner. Please write your favorite one in the comments section and the one with the most votes by the end of tomorrow wins!! And if you thought this was funny, pleeeeease don’t forget to press the Facebook like button!!

Oh and you also might want to check out my book I Heart My Little A-Holes. It’s the most effective birth control on the market!!*

IHeartCoverHC

*not a fact




There are 113 comments for this article
  1. Shiffers5 at 10:14 am

    The one with the fingers and body parts has my vote! That is so funny! Plus I’m from Wisconsin…so it makes it even funnier!

  2. Robin Bennette at 10:32 am

    For visual, the winner is the bleeding angel. For caption, I must go with “And then wipe your a*s with cheese.”

  3. Ashley at 11:04 am

    The constipated dinosaur gets my vote for sure! Although, the mammogram one had me belly laughing and I’m 8 months pregnant! Lmao

  4. Susan Torelli at 11:37 am

    I love them all, but I have to go with my hotdog creation on principle! However, if I had to pick another one it would be the meatloaf snowman, it looked like it took a lot of effort… I mean there is even a sun made out of corn.

  5. Amy at 9:10 pm

    The brown snowman… Because she really really tried… And really really failed. I almost chose “So basically you cut off my a*s and made it my head,” but mostly because your description almost made me spit out my drink.

  6. Emily at 11:32 pm

    I was crying laughing by the time I got to “brown snow”. … still, the potty one was the worst, grossest, what was she thinking lunch!

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