Holy crap, some other people suck at making school lunches just like meeee!!!

Hey, have you seen the totally rude post that a-hole mom wrote about Pinteresty moms who pack fancy lunches? This one. She must either be like a total super bitch or suffer from crazy low self-esteem.

Nahhhh, just kidding, that was meeee!!!

And when you saw it if you weren’t running off to grab some tissues because you were crying (or peeing) from laughter, then maybe you noticed I asked people to send in their own shitty lunch creations. And I got some real losers!! I mean I kinda thought I was like the shittiest lunchbox creator out there until I saw some of these. Holy crap, some of you guys SUCK ASS. Which totally makes me want to be friends with you.

Anyways, here are a few of my favorites and just for shits and giggles I’ve given them all titles.


Let’s begin with this little edible creation. She calls it “Cute Porcupine.” I call it “I hope my kid get stabbed in the esophagus and dies”


And this one I like to call “An ode to that scary-ass dude in Silence of the Lambs who likes to wear other people’s skin”


Yo lady, I’m all for equal opportunity but there is no such thing as brown snow. And WTF are they riding on, a five-wheeled spaghetti-mobile? Anyways, I’m calling this one “Shit Snowman”


And speaking of shit, a mom made this for her three-year-old to convince him to poop in the potty. Uhhh, not quite. I call this one “Yo, kiddo, poop wherever you happen to be standing. And then wipe your ass with cheese”


Ummm, WTF is that? No wonder your kids won’t eat your food. It looks like you ate the whole dinner while you were cooking it (I do this all the time) and then served the kids the scraps. I call this one “Just F’ing Call Dominos.”


And this is one of my personal favorites. But I can’t decide which title to use. Either “Choking hazard with mini weapons and feet that make you fart” or “So basically you cut off my ass and made it my head.” Cute kid though!


I call this one “Awww shit, no wonder I feel bloated, it’s that time of the month”


Hmmm, what on earth should the title be for this masterpiece? Lemme see, uhh, maybe, “I want my kid to eat severed body parts and grow up to be the next Jeffrey Dahmer”


And OMG, check out all those flat boobies!! I’m totally calling this one “After the Mammogram”


And last but not least, wait, maybe it is least. I call this lunch “Constipated dinosaur served on a prison tray”

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I promised to give the shittiest creation a copy of my signed book. Drumroll please. And the winner is, awwww shit, I can’t make such a monumental decision. If I were a millionaire I’d send them all books, but since I haven’t won the lottery YET, I’m gonna be lazy and let you pick the winner. Please write your favorite one in the comments section and the one with the most votes by the end of tomorrow wins!! And if you thought this was funny, pleeeeease don’t forget to press the Facebook like button!!

Oh and you also might want to check out my book I Heart My Little A-Holes. It’s the most effective birth control on the market!!*


*not a fact

There are 113 comments for this article
  1. Shiffers5 at 10:14 am

    The one with the fingers and body parts has my vote! That is so funny! Plus I’m from Wisconsin…so it makes it even funnier!

  2. Sam at 10:15 am

    The bloated one having their period wins!

  3. Kristine @ MumRevised at 10:17 am

    I’m going with the menstral cramp mama. I had grand designs of making a pic for you, got distracted and ate the head. Next time.

  4. Karli Holkko at 10:20 am

    Definitely the one with the fingers and body parts. Those hot dog fingers took some time and effort!

  5. Rachel Starchman at 10:21 am

    Awww s**t no wonder I feel bloated!!!! LMAO

  6. heather Smalley at 10:23 am

    The “aww S**t no wonder I feel bloated” one is the best. Made me lol for real.

  7. Jen at 10:25 am

    Darn it! I meant to take a picture of the baggy of $ I give my daughter to buy lunch!

    • Alanna at 10:30 am

      Definitely the ravioli thought the hot dog is a close second!

  8. Meredith W at 10:25 am

    the pooping / wipe your a*s with cheese one. Hilarious!

  9. Robin Bennette at 10:32 am

    For visual, the winner is the bleeding angel. For caption, I must go with “And then wipe your a*s with cheese.”

  10. Katie Farris at 10:37 am

    Just Fing eat, or call dominos. But my kid probably wouldn’t eat the pizza neither, so it should be titled just Fing starve then.

  11. sara at 10:39 am

    Lol I choose ” Yo, kiddo, p**p wherever you happen to be standing. And then wipe your a*s with cheese”

  12. Kristy DM at 10:46 am

    Poopin porcupine! (aka “I hope my kid get stabbed in the esophagus and dies”)

  13. Ruby at 10:49 am

    I can barely type as the tears roll down my face. I vote ‘choking hazard’ with the cute kid.

  14. Tamsyn at 10:51 am

    Body parts gets my vote. That one is so scary awesome!

  15. Thilani Page at 10:51 am

    Period surprise. It looks delicious. Joking.

  16. tasha at 10:52 am

    “Wipe your a*s with the cheese” was the one that made me LOL the loudest, so there’s my vote 🙂

  17. Tammie at 10:55 am

    The bagel pooping and whipping with cheese!

  18. Ashley at 11:04 am

    The constipated dinosaur gets my vote for sure! Although, the mammogram one had me belly laughing and I’m 8 months pregnant! Lmao

  19. Andreanne Plante Boden at 11:07 am

    I am crying and laughing so hard!!! I can’t vote, they are all too good! But the one that made me laugh the loudest is the “I’m bloated”…

  20. Julianna at 11:13 am

    Bagel and s**t cheese!! That puppy is a winner in my book!!

  21. Suzanne at 11:14 am

    The body parts lunch should win. Hands down!

  22. Amanda at 11:29 am

    Just f’ing eat for the win! I wonder if she caters??

  23. Amber at 11:31 am

    My vote goes to….
    “I want my kid to eat severed body parts and grow up to be the next Jeffrey Dahmer”

  24. Krissy at 11:36 am

    LOL! I can’t stop laughing! Definitely the p**p and wipe with cheese 😉

  25. Susan Torelli at 11:37 am

    I love them all, but I have to go with my hotdog creation on principle! However, if I had to pick another one it would be the meatloaf snowman, it looked like it took a lot of effort… I mean there is even a sun made out of corn.

  26. Melissa at 11:50 am

    The p**p and wipe a*s with cheese 🙂

  27. Steph at 11:55 am

    I laughed the most with the bagel pooping. that was epic. haha

  28. Sarah L at 11:56 am

    Definitely “S**t Snowman” Awesome!!

  29. Stact L. at 12:15 pm

    Totally the silence of the lambs meat face lunch..

  30. maria reaser at 12:32 pm

    Wipe you a*s with cheese…….. tears of joy

  31. Blair at 1:42 pm

    The bent over pooping one. I cracked up!!

  32. Tami at 2:34 pm

    Awww s**t, no wonder I feel bloated, it’s that time of the month

  33. kelly at 3:24 pm

    I’m for the “it’s that time of the month”. Love them!

  34. Meg Crox at 3:27 pm

    I vote for the Bagel P**p and cheese toilet paper!!

  35. Roxanna at 3:28 pm

    Bagel bent over, Love the cheese wiper!

  36. Dara at 5:13 pm

    Flat boobies. In honor of breast cancer awareness month.

  37. Tara Gauthier at 6:44 pm

    Definitely the bloated period one!

  38. Elisa T. at 7:14 pm

    My family likes the one with the soiled cheese wipe. Too funny!

  39. JC at 7:15 pm

    porcupine! nothing says “I love you” like twenty sharp objects!

  40. Natasha at 8:57 pm

    “Choking hazard with mini weapons and feet that make you fart” – hahahahahahahahahahha!!!

  41. Mandy at 2:27 pm

    Pooping bagel-b**t, wipe your a*s with cheese. Lol!

  42. Amy at 9:10 pm

    The brown snowman… Because she really really tried… And really really failed. I almost chose “So basically you cut off my a*s and made it my head,” but mostly because your description almost made me spit out my drink.

  43. beth fleming at 9:46 pm

    Pooping bagel and cheese a*s wipe…..by far the funniest.

  44. Shannon at 10:41 pm

    The bloated one! Holy $hitballs! I almost woke up the kiddo laughing so hard!!

  45. Emily at 11:32 pm

    I was crying laughing by the time I got to “brown snow”. … still, the potty one was the worst, grossest, what was she thinking lunch!

  46. Darla at 6:28 am

    Just F’ing Call Dominos. Ode to creepy dude on Silence of Lambs is a close second.

  47. Kylie at 4:50 am

    The potty training bagel and toilet paper cheese…the mind boggles!! Very funny!

    • Sara W at 1:14 am

      Gotta go with the pooping / wipe yourself with cheese masterpiece!

  48. Megan at 5:53 am

    My 5 year old thought the pooping b**t was hilarious! He said he didn’t want to eat it though 😉

  49. Kristin at 12:36 am

    The poo bagel.. With the tp cheese. Bahahaha

  50. Angela Owen at 5:35 am

    Poo and cheese. But they’re all so good (bad) that I’m crying.

  51. KateN at 10:21 am

    I am gonna have to go with Hot Dog boy because it has not one, but two, laugh-out-loud titles. You really made my morning!