Dear Baby Sideburns,
I’ve been told by an “expert” that I need to tell my 5 year old boy what his private part is called. I’ve avoided it until now. What on earth do we call his “tail” as he calls it?
Here are some names you can call it:
Happy hot dog
Johnson & Johnson
Hot Diggity Dog
Pee pee squirter
Wee willy winky
Yup, those are some awesome names for it. IF YOU WANT HIM TO BE TOTALLY F’ED UP. I mean this kiddo is entering kindergarten and do you know what kindergarteners do? They talk. To each other on the playground. And some of them are even going to know shit like you put your wanky into her mum-mum and you make a baby. I shit you not.
Because some of those kiddos at recess aren’t first children. They’re second children and third children and fifth children and they’ve got big sisters and big brothers who tell them allllll sorts of stuff. And you have a choice right now.You can teach your son the real name for his you-know-what (even if he still wants to call it his tail after your little chat) OR you can let someone else’s little douchenugget teach it to him when they’re sitting on the monkey bars.
Oh wait, unless, you’re one of those homeschoolers in which case I’m changing everything I said. Because then you can totally keep him in his little bubble and not teach him jack shit and then when he marries little Jaja Duggar it’ll be HILARIOUS when they’re in bed together after the wedding and they’re sitting there waiting for the stork to bring them their baby because he doesn’t know he’s supposed to insert his tail into her flower.
Hope that helps Ashlye!!