Ahhhhhhh, don’t you just lovvvvvve that feeling at the end of the day when you finally crawl into bed and the sheets feel so good on your skin and your pillow is so soft and nobody’s bothering you any– AGGHHH, FFFFFFFFFFF MEEEEEEE!!! I forgot to move that stupid Elf on the Shelf again.
Elf on the Shelf my ass. More like Elf on the microwave. Elf on the back of the toilet. Elf building a snowman out of cotton balls on the counter. Elf hanging from the light fixture but he keeps falling down but you keep trying over and over again until you finally say screw it and put him somewhere else. Yada yada F’ing yada.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the joyful look on their faces when my little a-holios find the elf every morning, but I’ve been moving that stoopid elf around the house every night for over a week now and I just need a break.
But I can’t because if I take a break then the kiddos will come downstairs in the morning and Santa’s little brown-noser will be sitting in the same place he was yesterday, and they’re gonna be all disappointed and think he lost his magic and they’ll turn into cranky sourpusses and I’ll have to listen to them whine like annoying Cailloubians all morning.
But wait a sec, yes, my coffee has clearly kicked in because A. I have to poop and B. I just came up with a brilliant idea!
Our Elf on the Shelf is goin’ away for a little while. Yup, mama needs a break from this 11pm crafty shit so I’m sending him on vacation. The only question is, which one of these awesome setups will I use to get that much-needed break?
Bon voyage Mr. Pointy Ears. Please just be back in time for me to shove you into a box in the basement when I put all the other decorations away.
And if you’re looking for a kickass present this holiday, get the gift that will make your loved ones pee in their pants. I Heart My Little A-Holes is perfect for anyone who doesn’t have a stick up their ass!
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