Okay, so today I was talking with a friend about the gift cards we’re each giving to our kiddo’s teachers this holiday and I almost died when I said the amount out loud. It sounded so low. I mean shit, I spent more on the stoopid party favors for my rugrat’s birthday party. Yup, I spent more money on crappy cancer-causing plastic shit from China than I spent on my kid’s teacher.
After saying it, I wanted to take myself behind the building and beat the crap out of myself for being such an a-hole. But then I realized, it’s not too late!!! I can go back to the store and get another gift card with more on it!!
Anyways, the whole thing got me thinking that there are probably lots of moms out there who don’t know how much to give. So here goes, I made a little guideline for me and all the other moms out there who have no F’ing idea.
HOW MUCH TO GIVE YOUR KIDDO’S TEACHER THIS HOLIDAY:
If you like your kid’s teacher:
If you REALLY like your kid’s teacher:
If you want your kid’s teacher to get fat:
If your kid is a total douchewipe and you know his teacher deals with his shit on a minutely basis:
If you think about the fact that this person is a total saint and watches your little crotchmuffin five days a week for many hours a day and never plops him in front of the TV set and doesn’t lose her patience very often and teaches your kiddo important shit like how to read and do math and then she goes home at night and thinks about your kiddo even more and grades his papers and emails you back and plans tomorrow’s lesson plan and does alllllllllll this for an itty-bitty salary:
As much as you can truly afford and slap that GENEROUS amount on a gift card to a place where she can get a bunch of shit she REALLY needs
And don’t forget about allllll the other teachers in your kid’s life like teacher’s aids and other awesome people who give their hearts to our kiddos every day.
And whatever you do, do NOT get them one of these awesome books for the holidays. Like if you’re thinking about giving your kiddo’s teacher a gift card AND one of these books, DON’T. Just give them a gift card with $12 more dollars on it and they can decide if they want to spend it on a book. A book that would make a kickass present for OTHER people on your holiday list.
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