1. I don’t want to wipe a single tush all day. I think all kids should have to hold in their poop in on Mother’s Day. Now that would make it special. 2. I want brunch. But not with the whole frigging family. I want brunch with my other mommy friends. See ya, rug rats.…
I suck. Yup, I am 200% sure that I am doing this all wrong and that my kids are going to grow up to be drug dealing hookers or even worse, that they’re going to hate me. Like yesterday for example. Here’s allllllll the crap I did wrong yesterday: 1. I forgot to tell Zoey…
*”DOIN’ GOOD” SWEEPSTAKES OFFICIAL RULES *NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A PURCHASE OR PAYMENT OF ANY KIND WILL NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW ELIGIBILITY: The “Doin’ Good” Sweepstakes (“Sweepstakes”) is open only to legal residents of the fifty (50) United States and the District of Columbia (void…
Okay, so today Zoey is getting her hair cut. Wait, no, that does not do it justice. Today Zoey is getting her hair CHOPPED OFF. Her beautiful, gorgeous, strawberry blonde hair that I lovvvvve. Yup, she came to me last week and said she wanted to cut her hair.
1. All you gotta do is buy the girl a $4 Happy Meal at Mickey D’s and she’d pretty much agree to marry you.
AGGGHHHH, what happened this year?!! I was looking through my pictures yesterday and I came across this one and I realized it was ONLY like eight months ago and holy crap, Zoey looks sooooo much littler than she does now. How is it possible to age that much in like eight months? Yes, it’s kind…
Dear nanny talking on your cell phone, Okay, so last Tuesday I took my kiddos to the Children’s Museum and I saw you three times that day. The first time was on our way there when I pulled up next to you at a traffic light. There you were yapping on your cell phone in…
1. Sleep now. Like seriously, think of yourself as a bear and this is your only chance to hibernate because as soon as little Miss Poopie Pants arrives, you might not get 8 straight hours of sleep in like, hmmm, I don’t know, maybe forever. 2. Breastfeeding sucks. No pun intended. Eventually it’s pretty amazing…
OMG, so the other day someone sent me this lady’s blog about the time she made her placenta into sushi and ate it. No, that entire sentence is not a typo. You can swallow your throw up now. Anyways, last night I was chatting with my friend who’s VERY preggers and about to pop and we were…
Dear kid who I just saw being bullied outside Noodles and Company, I heard what those a-hole kids said to you and I just wanted to tell you something. Yeah, I know I’m just some random grownup who really doesn’t know WTF you go through every day, so maybe you don’t even want to listen to…