No, that’s okay, leave me all alone on this mountain, I only GAVE BIRTH to you

No, that’s okay, leave me all alone on this mountain, I only GAVE BIRTH to you

This weekend sucked. Wait, no it was great. Wait, no it sucked. Shit, I can’t decide. Okay, so here’s what happened. I took Zoey sledding and if you look at the pictures and the videos on social media you’re gonna think it was the most spectacular Mommy-daughter day ever. But that’s a lie. Because here’s the…

Bwahahaha I can’t believe your kid calls it that

Bwahahaha I can’t believe your kid calls it that

You know what kills me? How my kiddos used to speak when they were little. OMG, their tiny adorable voices and their baby laughs and their funny toddler words. Zoey used to call coconuts “nuck nucks” and Holden called guacamole “macamole.” It was so stinkin’ cute. But they slowly learned the real words now they sound coherent…

THIS is why you have to be sooo careful around water

THIS is why you have to be sooo careful around water

Oh my God. Not OMG. This story is way too serious for abbreviations. So yesterday after school and baseball, Holden came home smelling all stinky, so after dinner I told him to go upstairs and get ready for a bath. HOLDEN: I’m tired.

I’m sorry I’m cheating on you

I’m sorry I’m cheating on you

  Dear Target, I’m sorry, but I’ve been cheating on you. A lot. Do I still love you? With all of my heart and soul and I still love pushing a cart around your store and putting way more things into it than what I came for, but it just doesn’t happen as much as…