ME: Hello? RECEPTIONIST: Hi this is Nancy at Willow Hospital, I’m calling about your recent mammogram. Insert stomach in throat. ME: Yes? RECEPTIONIST: We need you to come back in for a repeat mammogram. Let’s see, we don’t have any openings today. Let me look at Monday. Trying not to freak out. ME: Can you tell…
Holy crap, have you seen this picture circulating around the internet?!!
Dear Baby Sideburns, My Mother-in-Law refers to herself as Nana when she emails me, leaves me voicemails, texts me, etc. She is not MY Nana! It’s driving me crazy. What should I do? You’re the best. Emily Dear Emily, Oh, I am SOOOOOO sorry you are going through this. I mean this is like my…
Dear Baby Sideburns, I feel bad saying this but my daughter is very hairy and has a unibrow already. She’s only two, but I’m wondering when you think it’s okay for me to “take care” of it. I know you can relate because you always say how hairy you are. Sincerely, Alyssa Dear Alyssa, Okay,…
Dear Baby Sideburns, I need some tips!!! For the first time post baby, I’ve been asked when my baby is due. For the record, I’m 5’5 160lb and slightly overweight, nothing out of the norm. And I’ve lost 25lb in the past year so to say I’m pissed is an understatement. I’d love to hear some…
Dear Baby Sideburns Our eight month old still wakes us up constantly through the night. I was thinking about letting him cry it out but my friend says that’s mean. What do you think? -Katie Dear Katie, Beep beep beep beep beep beep. You know what that’s the sound of? That’s the sound of my…
Dear Baby Sideburns, Our 2.5 year old daughter keeps spitting her food and juice on the floor and in her toys. We have tried everything. I want to kill her lol. Have you ever encountered this and how did you handle it? I’m going fucking crazy lol. Thanks for keeping me sane with everything I’m…
Agggghhhh, my eyes my eyes! I think I’m blind! I just saw a picture of an old man wearing this, uhhh, dare I say bathing suit, and now I close my eyes and I still see the image of his wrinkly naked body on the back of my eyelids. I’m scarred for life. Seriously, the…
Okay, so in the past month I think I’ve gotten no fewer than 6,000,000 requests to write something on this weird product called the Shewee. Now if you don’t know what the Shewee is, good. I think that makes you normal. You can click on this link and check it out. It’s basically this plastic…
Ewwwww, what the hell is this thing? The NoseFrida? Blagggh, you use it to suck the clogged up snot and boogers out of your rug rat’s nose. No, that is not a typo. You SUCK it out with this tube you put in their nostril. Gross, double gross, triple gross, grossity gross gross. And here…